JLAin't: The Other Side
by MyklarCure
Summary: CatTails Universe Fic. CH.6 is up! Final chapter in this story...
1. The Show

JLAin't: The Other Side.

Written by: MyklarCure

A/N: This story (and hopefully series) is based in Chris Dee's CatTails Universe. If you haven't read it, shame on you! LOL. Actually, if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. Besides, most of this probably won't make much sense if you haven't. You can find the series under the "Comics/Batman" section of FF.N or under Chris's FF.N profile here: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=22266

This series chronicles the personal lives of the JLA, specifically in reference to the events in the Cat Tails series. 

Special Thanks: To Chris Dee for her input and approval. To Melissa, Steve and Ken for their insights and especially to Brii, for keeping me sane. ;)

Oh yeah, disclaimers: I don't own shit... (good thing, too. That's pretty sick.)

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Chapter One: The Show.

A giant, rubber ball-shaped Plastic Man bounced into the arrival area of the JLA Watchtower. The Monitor Room's Teleport signal had indicated an incoming arrival so he had come to check it out. As soon as he arrived, Teleport Tube 3 lit up and two figures appeared. Instantly, one figure dissipated in a blur of motion, the wind from its momentum carrying the figure's words back to a startled, now-man-shaped Plastic Man. 

"Outtatheway!Outtatheway!Outtatheway!GottaGo!GottaGo!GottaGo!GottaGo!..."

Plastic Man turned back to the Tube just in time to see Green Lantern -- no, Kyle Rayner -- emerge from the glass enclosure, his face exploding with laughter. Rayner was clutching his sides, tears streaming down his cheeks as he stumbled out into the reception area. His laughter seemed to elevate to a "Defcon 4" level as he watched the blur streaking off down the hallway of the Watchtower. Before Plastic Man could interrupt enough to find out what was happening, Teleport Tube 2 flashed and Arthur Curry and Diana Prince emerged. If Kyle's condition had been "Defcon 4," it was safe to say that Arthur was easily at "Defcon 2." He fell more than walked out of the Tube and collapsed on the floor, screaming out peals of laughter as Diana stepped over him, no more than an amused smile on her face. 

"Hey Plaz," she greeted, a small chuckle escaping with the words as she walked nonchalantly toward the Living Quarters. Plastic Man's jaw hit the floor. Literally. Not only had Wonder Woman walked passed this odd collection of giggling humanity on the floor as if it were a normal occurrence, but she had call him "Plaz!" Diana _never_ called him "Plaz!" He lifted his jaw back up and raised a finger, as if preparing to ask her a question when Teleport Tube 4 lit up. The sight in Tube 4 caused Plastic Man's jaw to return to its resting position on the floor, this time joined with the entire bottom half of his face. 

Two identical Clark Kents emerged from Tube 4, both chuckling in unison and eyeing each other jokingly. At the sight of the Two Kents, Arthur and Kyle both reached "Defcon 1" as Kyle collapsed to the floor beside Arthur, the pair rolling around like children in the mud. The Two Kents approached Plastic Man, each one clasping a different shoulder and speaking in unison. 

"Hey Plaz. How's it going?" 

Mama O'brien's baby boy... who had faced some of the greatest challenges and adversaries, who had fought the world's worst villains, who had battled along side the greatest heroes on the planet – all with a smile on his face and a joke on his lips... fainted. 

***

__

I am Vengeance!

The words sound right.

__

I am the Night!

As does the voice

__

I am Justice!

Thank God! Batty's here! He'll straighten this whole mess out! He always does...

__

I am in... desperate need of a personality transplant!

WHAT?!!?

Eel O'brien forced his eyes open to see Kyle, Arthur and Superman all standing around a crouching cowled figure, hunched over in what could best be described as Bela Lugosi doing Yoga. The whole room was alive with laughter once again as the cowled figure – who certainly _looked_ like Batman – stood back up straight, laughing just as loudly as the rest. Something was wrong here. Batman didn't laugh! Eel knew that he, personally, had delivered some of the greatest one-liners since Henny Youngman in this guy's presence with nary a chuckle. Now, not only was he laughing, but it appeared that _he_ was, in fact, the source of the merriment. Something was _seriously_ wrong here! He focussed his attention on the Laughing Bat and suddenly his eye for detail caught up with him: the ears! The ears on the cowl were way too long. They looked almost cartoonish as they flopped around like a pair of Kevlar Bobble-heads. As he finally seemed to regain control of all his faculties, realization dawned on him like a kick to the back of the head... 

"J'onn?"

All of the Leaguers in the room suddenly turned to the newly awakened Eel, smiling wide, most still chuckling and the room erupted with a chorus of "Plaz!" The cowled figure slowly morphed into the normal green humanoid form of the Martian Manhunter. Arthur and Kyle stumbled over to the couch where Eel was laying and helped him to his feet. Eel was still shaking the last remnants of dust from his brain as he asked, "What the hell is going on?!" Kyle, still standing beside him and holding on to his arm, suddenly doubled over again, laughing hysterically. J'onn, seemingly the calmest of the group came up to Eel, a warm smile across his face, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

"Sorry, Plaz. We just got back from the funniest show we've seen in a long time..."

"Show?"

Suddenly, a gust of wind filled the room as Wally West came speeding back in. "Yeah. A show! A friggin' hilarious show!" the speedster replied to the question he hadn't even really been in the room yet to hear. "I almost pissed myself I was laughing so hard!" he added with a laugh. 

"Hey, I told you that 64 oz. Coke at dinner was a mistake!" Kyle interjected between laughs. The other JLA'ers in the room chuckled again. All except for Plastic Man, still mired in his own confusion. 

__

"Cattails: An Evening with Catwoman!" J'onn explained, expecting that to be enough.

Plastic Man's eyes widened under his goggles and a smile finally crept its way onto his face, followed by an understanding "Ahhh!"

All of the reviews and gossip surrounding this show in the public press was _nothing_ compared to the buzz screeching its way through the Superhero community. Eel had heard from no less than 3 different sources that he "absolutely **had**" to see this show. He had planned on going to that night's performance but he had been stuck with monitor duty instead. And now, it seems, the rest of the JLA had taken it upon themselves to go see it without him! 

"You went to see it?!" he asked, momentarily aghast. 

"Oh yeah," Arthur replied. "Funniest thing I think I've ever seen. And remember, I've seen flounders mate!" Both Arthur and Kyle simultaneously looked at each other, then flopped down onto the couch that Eel had been laying on, both of them again convulsing with laughter. 

"All of this over a show?" Eel thought. He noticed Superman and J'onn chuckling again as they headed over toward the pool table, J'onn reaching up to grab a cue stick as Supes started racking the balls. Wally came over to the couch and flopped down in between the giggling Arthur and Kyle, joining in the laughter. 

Eel watched as all the men in the room continued laughing and joking with one another. "I've never seen them this... giddy! They're acting like... well... ME!?!" 

He turned back to the trio on the couch and morphed into a bean-bag, slumping down on the floor in front of them. "So it was really that good?" he asked aloud. 

Wally was the first to reply. "Yes! I mean, the writing was good, the performance was flawless and the stories were hysterical. The bit about Nightwing floored me. I thought Dick was going to pass out in his seat!" he ended in another chuckle. 

"So, now for the $64,000 question," Eel probed. "Is it Her?" 

All three Leaguers on the couch looked him straight in the eye and replied in unison: "YES!" Eel swung his head around and noticed Supes and J'onn had stopped their game and were both looking right at him. It had actually taken him a moment to register the fact that they had both replied to the affirmative at the same time. 

"You're all positive? I mean, she could just be an.."

"No way!" Kyle interjected. "It was her. We're ALL sure of that! I mean, there's no mistaking a set of cans like tha..." 

Kyle was interrupted by a condescending cough from Superman, causing Kyle to shoot him a confused look that remained unanswered until the sound of clicking of heels brought his attention to the doorway. 

A newly costumed and immaculately freshened Wonder Woman walked into the room, fidgeting with her right bracelet. She shot a perturbed look in Kyle's direction, then headed toward an overstuffed chair by the pool table. 

"Well, I thought it was a very witty and entertaining program. But most of all I'm glad to see that she has finally turned over a new leaf," the Amazonian Princess extolled to no one in particular. From across the room (and behind her back), J'onn and Arthur locked gazes with each other before simultaneously rolling their eyes, smirks adorning both their faces. Diana turned and sat daintily in the chair as she glanced over at the pool table.

"Well, we don't really know that for sure," Superman replied, leaning over the table and taking a shot. "I mean, she could really just be doing this for the money."

"Or the Fame," Kyle added.

"Or just for the fun of it!" Wally concluded.

"I doubt it," Wonder Woman retorted, just a hint of superiority in her voice. "I hardly think that an off-Broadway show would be any where near as lucrative as her... previous choice of career. And as far as Fame goes, why would someone who dresses up in a costume and steals for a living want to reveal her real name and admit to countless crimes in front of the general population. As far as... 'for the fun of it' goes," she added, looking directly at Wally, "again, why would she risk exposure just for some kind of cheap thrills. No, I'd venture to guess that she's finally seen the error of her ways and decided to forgo the nighttime forays in the 'criminal arts' in lieu of a more... appropriate profession."

"If you say so," Wally muttered under his breath, prompting an elbow jab from Kyle. 

The pair glanced at each other, then stifled a few more giggles. Eel reshaped into human form, then looked to the trio on the couch, all poking and giggling like twelve-year-olds. If this was what that show did to these guys, he couldn't **wait** to see it! He decided he needed to go make reservations immediately, so he turned and left the over-jovial cluster of heroes and headed back to the Monitor Room to make a few phone calls. 

Superman walked around the table, lining up for his next shot. "Well, in any event, I think it would be nice to get her something," he suggested, leaning down for his next shot. "You know, a Congratulatory bouquet or something." 

"Oooh! With a card!" Kyle prompted. 

"Oh, yeah. That's a grand idea," Arthur replied sarcastically. Sending a known criminal a card with every JLA member's signature was not Arthur's idea of a "nice gift." He didn't know what all crimes this woman committed in her past, but with larceny, burglary and breaking & entering under her belt, he decided that forgery was not an outrageous assumption. 

"Look, no one says we have to _sign _the card, Arthur," Kyle explained, knowing full well what Aquaman's reservations were. "We can all just put our own little congratulations messages... ya know, anonymously!"

In an instant, Wally had disappeared from the couch, run out of the room and returned with a handful of fresh flowers. Diana eyed him curiously. "Wally? Where did you get those?"

"The Hydroponics Garden," he replied as if the answer was obvious. 

"The Hydroponics Garden?! Wally! That garden is what supplies this station with Oxygen. It took us a long time to stabilize that environment..." she chided, suddenly sounding overly maternal.

"OK! Sorry! Geez, I only took a few..." 

"Wally, every plant in that garden is part of a delicate balance," she began.

"It's ok, Diana," Arthur interrupted. "I'll go down later and make sure nothing else died."

Diana grunted a begrudging affirmation, then returned her attention to the pool game. 

"Ok," Kyle started as he stood up and went to the cabinet to retrieve a small card. "So we all put our own messages..." he turned to Arthur, looking directly at the Atlantian's face as he added, "..._without_ signatures! Then, I'll run the set down by the theater on my way back to New York." He headed over to the bar, placed the card down and began searching for a pen. 

Superman set his pool cue down, then walked over to join Kyle at the bar. "I got it," he replied, brandishing a pen from the hidden stash he always kept in his costume. 

"You carry a pen in your suit?" Kyle asked, eyeing the Man of Steel as if he had just pulled a live rabbit from under his cape. 

"Always be prepared, Kyle. Just like the Boy Scout motto says," he replied with a quick wink and flick of the pen. What he couldn't admit to Kyle was the real reason he always carried a pen was that he never knew when "Clark Kent" would need to jot down notes for a story or two. Superman leaned down and wrote his message on the card:

__

We enjoyed the show, Thank you very much

He picked it up, fanning it to dry the ink as he took it over to Wonder Woman.

"Hey!" Kyle objected, "What about me!?!" 

"Oh calm down, Kyle. You'll get your chance!" Superman chided playfully as he handed the card to Diana. She took the card and wrote a short message then handed the card to J'onn, pointedly looking at Kyle while doing so. 

"Oh, c'mon!" Kyle complained. 

J'onn looked down at the card and read Diana's message:

__

So glad to see you embrace the path of righteousness!

He chuckled to himself, thought about what to say, then wrote the only thing he could think of, referring as much to Diana's message as to his true thoughts of the show:

__

Most amusing

J'onn held up the card and pen, motioning for Arthur to come and get it, when suddenly a large green hand appeared in the middle of the room, its forefinger and thumb pinching over the card and pen and snatching it from J'onn's hand. The hand floated over to Kyle and handed him the card and pen, then disappeared into his ring. He smiled smugly as he wrote. 

"Well, that was uncalled for," J'onn stated flatly. Kyle finished writing, then walked up behind Arthur on the couch and held the card down over Arthur's shoulder, and poked his tongue out at J'onn in defiance. 

Arthur took the card and pen, read the other messages and chuckled just as J'onn did at Diana's message. Then, he shook his head at Kyle's message before adding his own: the one word that he could think of to describe not only the show itself, but the performance and the woman who performed it:

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Intriguing

Arthur handed the card and pen to Wally, now back on the couch beside him. Wally took the card and read all of the other messages, laughing at Kyle's, then laughing as he added his own:

__

So funny I almost pee'd!

He handed the card and pen back to Superman, who put the pen away, then read over the card. "Kyle!?!" he laughed, "What is this?!" 

"What?" the Green-ringed hero responded

Superman cast him a jokingly disapproving look, then read Kyle's message aloud:

__

Could you teach me to whether that stare of his, cause it always makes me cave ?!?

J'onn, Arthur and Wally all cracked up and Diana gave him a disappointed scowl. 

"What?!?" Kyle replied defensively. "It's true! I wanna know how she does it!"

"Kyle," Wally said with a chuckle, "the only way you'll ever be able to do it the way she does it is to grow a set of Double D's."

"Wally!!!" Diana gasped, a look of shock warping her features. 

"What?!" he asked, still laughing.

"How dare you! That was one of the most offensive, degrading things I've ever heard you say!" She crossed her arms over her chest as she glared at him. 

"Oh, c'mon, Diana. You just spent two hours watching this woman's performance – and laughing your ass off in the process – and you don't think she uses her sexuality to get under Batman's skin?!?" 

"**She** was simply asserting her independence. **You**, young man, do not have the right to demean her simply because of her... endowments!" She pointed an accusing finger at him. "You know, this is _exactly_ the kind of thing that us women have to put up with on a regular basis! Just because a woman is strong willed and has her own opinions about her own life and how 

to live it, doesn't mean that she has some kind of 'ulterior motive' in mind. This beautiful, independent woman has finally decided to put her life of criminal activity behind her and choose a more righteous path, and immediately the 'men' decide that she must be..."

As the only two telepaths in the core membership of the Justice League, J'onn and Arthur shared a strange kind of bond. It was the kind of bond that only two guys who can immediately communicate with one another without any one else in the room knowing can have. 

::Oh H'ronmeer, she's at it again::

::Look out: soapbox, 1 o'clock!::

::What is she going on about now?::

::I don't know, J'onn. I think she was offended the moment she walked in because of Kyle's little "cans" comment and was just waiting for the chance to mouth off::

::I have noticed that's it's been taking less and less to "set her off" recently.::

::Tell me about it! The other night, she came up to relieve me on Monitor Duty and, purely out of consideration, I warned her that Kyle had spilled soda on the keyboard and some of the keys may be a bit sticky.::

::Let me guess, she started screaming about his carelessness?::

::Worse, she accused me of trying to manipulate her into cleaning it up! She accused me of assuming that just because she was a woman, that she would be responsible for all of the cleanup in the Watchtower! I mean, she let me have it, both barrels blazing...::

::What'd you do?::

::I just stood there, let her get it out of her system. 10 minutes of "No Holds Barred" Princess of Themyscira Righteous Fury later, I looked directly at her and explained, in the calmest voice possible, that Steel had already been notified and that he would be bringing a replacement during her shift.::

::Heh. Really?::

::Yep. She just stared at me, looking nine kinds of confused, then tried to apologize... well, not apologize – 'cause Gods know, Diana never apologizes, because Diana is _never_ wrong! – but at least explain herself. I told her to quit trying, that I got her message loud and clear. Then I told her to save her speeches for "the masses" and walked out.:: 

::Good! I mean, we all understand her plight. We have all, _I_ think, tried to respect her position and her "mission." But, I mean, let's face it: the five guys in this room right now are probably the most liberal, pro-women guys in the universe and she continually berates us like a bunch of... Fraternity Boys! We all hear where she's coming from here, but all Wally did was suggest that maybe Catwoman uses her own assets to get what she wants. I think we ALL noticed that from this evening's performance.::

::It's like that bit earlier about Catwoman "turning over a new leaf." And that comment on the card!!::

::Oh, I know.::

::I mean, there are thousands of reasons I can think of for Catwoman to put on a show like this and none of them involve the word "reformation." Yet, when you contradict Princess Prattlehead, it suddenly becomes a discussion about man's inequities toward women... ::

::Oh crap, Arthur! Clark's gonna try to speak up!::

::What?!::

::Look at him! He's itching to say something, he's just patiently waiting for her to take a goddamn breath!::

::Shit. Don't do it, Clark! Don't do it!::

"Look, Diana," Superman began as gently as possible, "we all hear what you are saying, but Wally was just joking around. He didn't mean anything by it."

"Oh, don't patronize me, Flyboy! You know as well as I do what kind of damage mere words can have on..."

"Fuck this," Arthur muttered under his breath. He clasped Wally on the knee, gave him a quick wink, then pushed himself up to a standing position. He looked over at Diana, who was still in mid-rant with no end in sight, and then to J'onn, both men shaking their heads ruefully. Arthur turned toward the doorway and headed out before he was stopped by Diana's voice. 

"Arthur? Where are you going?"

"Home."

"I really think that you ought to stay and listen to this. You need to hear this too."

Arthur snapped his head around, paused for a moment, then slapped on the biggest smile he could muster. "Well, _Princess_, as much as I'd love to stay here and listen to your marvelous theories about the mental and emotional deficiencies of the entire male gender, I have a Kingdom to run. So, if you will please excuse me, I must be going." He ended with a short, rigid bow, then turned back around and headed out the doorway. He approached the Teleport tubes and punched in the code for Atlantis on the control panel for Tube #2. As he stepped into the glass enclosure, he muttered to himself.

"What did I ever see in that woman?!?"


	2. Of Telephones and Song Tags

JLAin't: The Other Side

Ch. 2: Of Telephones and Song Tags

Author: MyklarCure

AN: Thank you all for the support and reviews! As per the last chap, this fic is set in Chris Dee's CatTails universe. If you haven't read it, go do it now! LOL 

Special Thanks again to Chris Dee for the support and encouragement. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wally West (a.k.a. The Flash: The Fastest Man Alive) sat eerily still on his couch, his only movement: his hand moving from the popcorn-laden bowl on his lap to his mouth. The flickering images on the television – the only light in the room – cast a strange glow across his face. On the couch beside him, the cordless telephone suddenly sprang to life, cutting through the butter-flavored air like a shrill alarm. Absently, he reached over and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"WallyWorld! What's up, man?"

"Hey, Kyle. What's goin' on?"

"Nothing, man. _Absolutely _nothing." The frustrated tone in the current incarnation of the Green Lantern's voice told Wally everything. 

"Ah... Monitor Duty, huh?"

"Yup."

"Ouch. So... what's happening in the world tonight?"

"Not much. A little scuffle in Kurdistan, the Dow closed 200 points down and... uh... Ooo! One of the Backstreet Boys just went into rehab."

Wally adopted a tone of mock surprise and concern, "Oh no! Better call in the team! We can't have one of America's foremost idols of squeaky-clean goodness corrupting hordes of pre-teen girls with his lecherous ways..."

Kyle laughed. He knew he could count on Wally to cheer him up. 

Wally chuckled knowingly. A slow night at home could be boring. A slow night on JLA Monitor Duty could be brutal. "One of those nights, huh?"

"Seriously! Ya know, the big stuff never happens when _I'm_ on Duty. Oh sure, J'onn gets White Martian uprisings and Arthur gets major meta-prison breaks but I'm stuck with 8 hours of Global Economist interviews and 'Hardball with Chris Matthews.' There's only so much loudmouthed partisan temper tantrums one man can take."

Now it was Wally's turn to laugh. "I hear ya."

"So, what are you up to this fine evening?" Kyle asked, wanting desperately to change the subject. "I'm not like interrupting you and Linda or anything am I?"

"Nah. It's just me. Linda's out of town on business this week."

"All week?"

"Uh-huh"

"So you're 'bach'-ing it 'til Friday?"

"Yep"

"Sweet Deal! So how are you spending your quasi-freedom? I mean, aside from rescuing your bestest Green buddy from the evil clutches of League Bullshit... "

"Actually, I'm sitting on my ass doing nothing," he answered with a laugh. "I'm eating popcorn and watching Jackie Chan."

"Jackie? Ooo! What station?"

"Uhh.." Wally picked up the TV remote and hit the "enter" button, the station number appearing in the corner. "Uh.. TBS, I think. But I have no idea what movie it is."

"Cool," Kyle replied tapping a few keys on the Monitor Womb's keyboard. In a matter of seconds, one of the multitudinous screens covering the room flickered and Jackie Chan popped up on the screen beating the stuffing out of someone with what looked to Kyle like a box of video tapes. "Ah! 'Mr. Nice Guy!'"

"Is that what this is?" 

"Yep. Another great one. Course, it's on basic cable, so it's probably edited to hell."

"Wait," Wally interrupted. "Where are you?"

"The Monitor Womb..." 

"And you can get regular Cable TV in there?! Since when?!"

"Well, not Cable but Satellite. This place is leeching off of every satellite signal that comes off the planet. How do you think we get all these news reports up here..."

"Yeah, I know that, but I thought all of the monitors were hard wired to particular stations!"

"Well, yeah, most of 'em are, but there are some back doors to opening one of the monitors."

"How the hell do you know that?"

"C'mon, Steel put this system together. Do you really think he would spend weeks on end up here if he didn't have some way to catch his dailies."

"Dailies?"

"Yeah, his soaps."

"Wait, Steel watches Soap Operas?!"

"Oh yeah! It's like he's addicted to 'em! It's frightening. Don't ever go near him on a day that he missed an episode of 'Days of Our Lives'. Trust me. You thought J'onn was bad with his whole Choco's thing. That's nothing compared to a Soap-deprived Steel!"

Wally laughed again, then continued his original line of questioning. "Ok, so that's why it's there. How do _you_ know about it?"

"Well, I'm not really supposed to tell, but since the kitty's already out of the proverbial bag... I left a book up here one night after Duty and I came back up the next afternoon to pick it up. I figured I'd look in on whoever was sitting Duty. So I walk into the room and there's Steel, feet up on the console, a bag of Doritos on his lap and Days of Our Lives on one of the monitors. I swear, he was so engrossed in the show that he didn't even realize I was there until I was about two feet behind him." Kyle laughed at the visual memory: catching Steel, Steel jolting in his seat and flinging Doritos all over the floor. 

"Anyway, after I scared the crap out of him, he started bumbling around and sputtering, frantically punching keys on the keyboard trying to change the station."

"Man, I can't even imagine what that must have looked like," Wally chuckled.

"Yeah, it was actually kind of surreal," Kyle confirmed. "So then, he started apologizing and trying to come up with some kind of excuse. I finally told him it was cool with me. He begged me not to tell anyone! He said he was certain he would never hear the end of it from the rest of the Leaguers. I told him I would keep it quiet..."

"As long as he showed you how to switch the channels!" Wally completed the thought. 

"Exactly." 

"You do realize that you're now going to have to teach me how to switch the stations..." Wally urged conspiratorially. Monitor Duty would be a hell of a lot easier with a distraction like that available. He was mostly surprised that Kyle had kept this golden nugget from him for this long. 

"I... I dunno man…"

"Oh, c'mon. Don't hold out on me, bro!"

"Well, we'll see... I tell you what: The next time you're on duty and there's no one else there, give me a ring. We'll talk about it then." 

Wally adopted his cheesiest Stand-up Comedian voice and responded "But, Kyle, you already have a ring..." 

Both men added a verbal rim shot in unison. "Ba Dump Bump!" 

"Ugh. Wally, that one was really bad." Kyle groaned through his laughter. 

"I know, I know. They tend to get worse when Linda's not around."

***

A few weeks later, Kyle Rayner sat in his apartment, working diligently on his current comic strip. Actually, that's what he had just told his editor. What his editor didn't know was that Kyle's definition of "working diligently" differed somewhat – ok, greatly – from what most of the rest of the civilized world would consider "working diligently." Kyle's interpretation of that phrase included blasting the stereo and warbling at the top of his lungs while he scribbled pointless doodles on scratch pieces of paper. 

__

"Na na na. Na-na n-na na. Na na na. Na-na-n-na na. Na na na. Na-na n-na na. Na na na. Na-na-n-na I just can't get you outta my head…"

"Gah, I'm gonna _kill_ Wally for this!" Kyle spat to himself as the Australian Diva's infectious voice cut through his apartment. Not exactly what Kyle normally listened to, but Wally's insistence on calling him that damn name got the song repeatedly stuck in his head. He'd finally run out and bought the album, then listened to the same song over and over for the last 4 hours straight. He picked up the CD case from his desk then read over the list of titles.

__

Can't Get You Out of My Head he read to himself. "How fuckin' appropriate. Well it's no _Locomotion_, that's for damn sure." He tossed the case across the top of his desk, muttering curses under his breath. The case skipped across his sketching tablet, hopped a few times like an expertly tossed skipping-stone across a calm lake, hit the top rim of the desk, flipped up on end, then landed with a clatter somewhere on the floor between the desk and the wall. Kyle stared in wide-eyed amazement at the far edge of the desk where the empty case had disappeared. 

"Shit!" he yelled at his desk, then again to the now vanished case. He sighed heavily, then stood and walked over to the side of the desk. Crouching down under the desk, he began fishing around behind it, fingers probing desperately for any sign of the aggravating piece of plastic. He paused for a moment, the acoustics under the desk providing a much different sound to the song now invariably stuck on repeat in his stereo as well as on the jukebox in his brain. The vocals were much more muffled and the bass was much more pronounced from this aural vantage point. He noticed something else, too. A strange ringing sound floating under the vocals. It didn't even really seemed to fit the beat of the song. It sounded more like a ringing bell. Or a...

"Phone!" he spat to himself, rolling his eyes. He shot up from his crouching position on the floor and immediately slammed the back of his head on the edge of the desk. "Ow! FUCK!" he screamed as he stood up carefully, his right hand grabbing the back of his head. He fumbled around on his desk for the remote control to the stereo and pressed **Stop**, the shrill ringing of the phone filling the air. He glared down at the plastic Superman figure holding the phone receiver. Jade had bought him the phone months ago as a joke and he enjoyed a sick sense of superiority having Superman resigned to holding a telephone receiver on his work desk. Now, though, Superman's smug smiling face just sat there and mocked him. Grumbling, Kyle snatched the receiver up with his left hand, knocking the plastic Man of Steel over on the desk in disgust. The Superman didn't care, just sat there still smiling up at him. 

"Hello?!" Kyle grunted into the phone, his right hand still rubbing his now throbbing head.

"Kylie?" The joking voice spilled through the phone. 

"Argh! WEST!?!? You Son-of-a-BITCH!" 

"What?!" Wally replied defensively. 

"This is all your fault!!" Kyle yelled into the phone.

"Wha..? What are you talking about? What's my fault?!"

"THIS!" Kyle shouted, releasing his head long enough to pick the stereo remote back up, press the Volume Up button a few times and then press **Play**. Immediately, the offending song poured out through his speakers as he held the phone receiver out toward them. He let the song play for about 20 seconds, then cut it back off, pulling the receiver back to his ear. He expected to hear "I'm sorry." He expected to hear a litany of apologies that would rival a fifteen year old caught smoking an illegal substance. He expected a level of groveling the world had never seen before. 

What he got was laughter. Long and sustained howling laughter. Here he was, standing in his apartment, now back to clutching the growing lump on the back of his head, the squeaky vocal stylings of Kylie Minogue blaring through his brain, and his desk covered in pointless scribbles and the one man responsible for ALL of it was on the other end of his phone line laughing his ass off. "Fuck you" was all he was able to mutter through his fiercely gritted teeth. 

"Oh, c'mon, man," Wally choked through his hysterics. "It's funny! You mean to tell me that you've had that song continuously stuck in your head for like 3 weeks now?" 

"Not continuously, jackass, but every time you call me that, it comes floating back like a bad rash!" Kyle spat. 

"Jesus, Rayner! If I knew it was affecting you that badly, I would have stopped a week ago..." Wally chuckled, adding a quiet "...Kylie" before cracking up again. 

"Yeah, keep it up, Speedy!" Kyle spat, actually starting to laugh himself. 

"Wait a minute... you mean to tell me that after having the song stuck in your head for a few weeks, you finally broke down, went out and bought the CD?"

"YES! Not only that but I've been listening to that one damn song over and over for the last..." he glanced over at his desk clock before replying "..._four hours_!"

Wally laughed again. "Geez, man, what is this, Obsessive-Compulsive week in the JLA?! I swear to God, between you and Plaz..."

"Plaz?!" Kyle interrupted. "What's up with Eel?"

"You haven't heard?! Oh man, you're gonna love this! You remember that night we all came back up to the Tower after seeing CatTails."

"Yeah..?"

"Well, Eel decided that night that he absolutely _had_ to go see the show. After a few weeks of searching, he finally snagged a ticket for like two weekends ago. Well, after the show, he marched up to the Box Office and demanded that they sell him another ticket for the next night. They finally relented and sold him a standing ticket for the next show. He went again. And again. And again! He's been to see the damn show like every night since then!"

"Holy shit!" Kyle chuckled.

"Oh yeah! He's like completely obsessed with it now. And not only the show, but Her! He's totally infatuated with Catwoman. It's freaky..."

"Damn, we'd better step in..."

"Well, I think the Great Kibosh has already landed on his head. Diana caught him trying to do the whole... 'Barda Trick' the other night..."

"Wait," Kyle interrupted. "The Barda Trick?"

"Yeah! C'mon, you remember. Back when we were trying to find those White Martians masquerading as humans," Wally prompted, trying to jog his friend's memory. "We split into teams and went down dressed as 'normals' to try and confront them. And Plaz disguised himself as Barda's dress..."

"Oh yeah! Now I remember. She almost strangled him with his own body!"

"Yeah well, old habits die hard, I guess. Diana walked into the Rec Room a couple of nights ago and found him morphed into a slinky but elegant red and yellow dress hanging up with a delivery tag for Selina Kyle's dressing room."

"Oh, shit..." Kyle chuckled. 

"Yeah. Big D went _ballistic_ on his ass too!"

"Really?!"

"Oh yeah. That was two nights ago and from what I understand, he's _still_ trying to un-knot himself."

"Damn! That was a bit harsh, don't you think?"

"Yeah, no kidding," Wally replied. "I don't know what's up with her, but I swear, her fuse has been getting shorter and shorter!"

"No kidding! I dunno what's going on, but she's been getting worse and worse since that whole thing with Arthur went south..."

"Hey, what the hell was up with that? I was _seriously_ out of the loop on that one! What happened between those two?"

"I'm not sure I know," Kyle replied. "All I know is that for a while they were all googly-eyeing each other at the meetings, then all of a sudden it's like they can't stand being in the same room together. I dunno what happened, but _something_ went down..."

"Yeah, and I bet it wasn't _her_," Wally chuckled.

"Ugh! Oh man! Did you _have_ to go there? That's a mental picture I really didn't need!"

"Hey, you said it..." 

"I didn't mean it like **that!** Dammit, I'm not gonna be able to look into their eyes at the meeting for like a month now! Ewww!" Kyle shuddered. 

"Heh heh heh. My job is done."

They both laughed lightly before Wally changed the subject.

"So anyway, the reason I'm calling..."

"You mean, other than to completely fuck with my head again," Kyle interjected.

"Yeah, other than that. Listen, I'm up in the Tower on duty and I'm bored out of my friggin' skull! You gotta tell me how you change the stations on these things..."

"Yeah, well... about that. I don't think I can do that, man. I mean, if Steel finds out..."

"Aw, c'mon Kyle! You're killing me! Just tell me how to do it! Look, if I get caught, I'll just tell 'em I found it by accident. I'll tell em I was bored and started playing around and found it. No one'll know!"

"I don't know..."

"C'mon, man. I'm dying up here!"

"Alright," Kyle conceded. "I'll do it. But you have to _promise_ me you won't tell anyone that you know about it!"

If ever in the history of the known universe there were ever a perfect photograph to illustrate the concept of the "Shit-Eating Grin," that picture would look exactly like Wally's face at the precise moment that he muttered the phrase...

"Trust me."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Come visit me (and Chris for that matter) at the Official Cat Tails Message Board:

http://pub101.ezboard.com/fgothampmfrm26


	3. J'onn

JLAin't: The Other Side

Ch. 3: J'onn

Author: MyklarCure

Rating: R

A/N: Bah... you know!

Disclaimer: Bah... you know that too!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gotham is HIS city. The unwritten yet oft spoken rule we all understand is that Gotham City is the exclusive playground of the Batman. Lest we ever forget, each and every one of us is reminded the moment we dare set foot inside the city limits. Those of us in the League adhere to this "posture" as Gospel truth, making sure to inform him if we enter His City for any reason. 

At least some of us pretend to. 

Some things that go on in this city _do_ happen under his nose without his knowledge. In a city of over one million people, there is no logistical way for him to know everything about everyone - much to his chagrin, I'm sure. And, yes I do exploit this to an extent. 

As a Martian, I have the ability to change my form to any shape and I have, on regular occasion, used this ability to "mingle" with humans in their own natural environment. There is a regular cast of characters that I choose from, a menagerie of different identities that I assume from time to time to immerse myself in all levels of humanity. It is a cast of hundreds, varying greatly in ethnicity, race, sex, social status, wealth, and stature. But all of these people that I become have a few common threads. 

First of all, they are all based on actual people. They are all real individuals whose lives and identities I assume. Now, before this becomes a discussion of ethics regarding taking over someone's life, let me point out Similarity Number Two: all of the people in question are dead. None by my hand, although several are a result of my non-involvement. When a person dies and I am present but unable... or unwilling... to stop it due to my desire to keep my true self hidden from humanity, I feel somewhat obligated to continue their life as a kind of penance for my own selfishness. I do not always act upon this personal sense of obligation, but several of my regular identities are a result of this. Mostly, it depends on Similarity Number Three: lack of family or close relatives. Early on in my... tenure here on Earth, I tried taking over the lives of people with families, but my inability to assume one identity for long periods of time caused too many problems. After a few too many "I was working late at the office" excuses which led to a few too many suspicions of unfaithfulness which inevitably led to too many divorce proceedings, I learned my lesson. To that end, I decided that only people for whom a lengthy disappearance would go relatively unnoticed would be a worthwhile endeavor. 

Some of this may sound a bit cold or callous, but in truth it is merely my (admittedly vain) attempt to understand humanity. Earth is my adopted home and I choose to spend my time here learning all that I possibly can about its culture and its people. To do that, I assume these various identities in hopes of better understanding all of humanity by experiencing first-hand their trials and tribulations. In effect, I become these individuals, complete with all of their experiences. I _become_ John Jones, the Private Investigator from Detroit. I _become_ Ali Lotfi, the Pakistani goat farmer. I _become_ Vladimir Popov, former Russian senator and recent American Immigrant. I become all of these people and hundreds more, living their everyday lives and spend the majority of my free time just... living. 

All of which brings me to here: Gotham City, home of the illustrious Batman. Of my hundreds of identities, there are 37 that live within the Gotham City limits. None of these identities are important enough to garner as much as a blip on the Bat's city-wide radar, but they mean the world to me. They offer me an insight into this city that precious few, including the Bat himself, are privy to. Gotham City tends to include the best of the best, right alongside the worst of the worst. The richest and most successful of businessmen walking next to the starving musician. The tallest of buildings sharing the block with the tiniest of apartments. The greatest of heroes battling the vilest of villains. 

Through these 37 sets of eyes, I can view and experience the incredible microcosm of the world that is Gotham City. Almost every culture, race and creed exist somewhere in this city, and all of their lights shine across these 37 faces. And it is as one of those 37 identities that I have chosen to spend my morning. 

Peter Kinney is a happy young man (who was tragically struck down by a drunk driver over on 5th) who likes to spend most of his day reading. A graduate student at Gotham U, Pete is studying English Literature, mostly in the hopes of becoming a professional writer. In his spare time, he enjoys helping his friend's father at his sidewalk newsstand. At least, he did. Now I do. I enjoy this time in the newsstand: one of the few places where you meet people from every walk of life. I can spend most of the day just "people-watching." Between the Regulars, the Newbies, the other Vendors and the tourists, I get to meet such a wide selection of humanity all from the confines of this little wooden shelter. 

This morning, the Vendor Rumor Mill is abuzz with the stories of Raoul from the coffee cart having his daughter, Melanie accompany him at his cart today. She is a pretty young girl who will no doubt grow up to make her father proud, regardless of whether or not she decides to assume responsibility for the "Family Business." But, of course, the vendor-crew can't help but gossip around about her future and the future of Raoul's Coffee Cart. I listen with a modest detachment as I concentrate more on the arriving businessmen and women. It's 7:45 and the Early Starters are arriving, hustling away to their offices and stores, ready to tackle whatever Corporate Gotham has lined up for them today. I sigh contentedly as I watch them go... so full of life and energy! The anticipation and excitement in the air sends a shiver across my skin. It's times like these when I truly feel the most... human. 

A tall, well-dressed man breaks away from the crowd and heads toward me; his eyes and (obviously) his mind more concerned with something further down the street. As he approaches my newsstand, he flicks his eyes in my direction and asks for a Wall Street Journal. I catch his gaze for a quick second before he looks down the sidewalk again and it hits me...

Well, well, well. Good Morning, Bruce.

What is he doing here? Especially this early! Bruce Wayne never makes an appearance in downtown this early. Batman must be on a case: using his "Bruce Wayne, Businessman" persona as a disguise so that he can track some undercover criminal. And yes, Bruce, I'm well aware of who you really are. I know the whole tragic story: the murder of your parents, the years of training and preparation, the millions you've spent - everything that has led up to the "Scourge of the Gotham Underworld." I know because I pay attention. I know because I've seen and known you in both guises, both as the hapless millionaire playboy and as the Bat and despite the best acting job in the world, there are some things that you can never hide. Especially from a telepath. 

He keeps looking down the street, eyes continually scanning for... well, something. Or someone. Sometimes, it's really interesting to watch him work: you can almost see the gears in his head grinding away as he works out plans, contingencies, counterattacks, and options. I've seen it hundreds of times, but usually within the confines of the cowl. Now, sans mask of any kind, it's intriguing to watch the dials turn and realize that the look is not all that dissimilar. Now I finally understand that, for the Batman, "Bruce Wayne" is just another mask that he wears. Then, suddenly, Batman is gone and the true Bruce Wayne appears. He truly is a remarkable man. 

Whatever he's been waiting for happens. He drops a dollar on the counter without ever looking back my way and heads down the street. As nonchalantly as possible, I keep an eye watching his every move, waiting to see what he's after. I can justify to myself all day long that I am doing it as a professional courtesy: that I can be there for him if he gets into trouble. In reality, I know that part of me is just unbelievably curious. Well, "curious" may be a bit strong... intrigued! I'm intrigued by this little display and I'd love to see how this pans out. He's approaching Raoul's cart, and for the first time I now see the object of his attention: A young statuesque woman chatting it up with Raoul while she buys her latte. 

He's up at what, for him, must be an ungodly hour of the morning after getting probably two hours of sleep all because of a woman?! That's a little uncharacteristic, Bruce. Even the most intelligent of the women Bruce Wayne tends to date could be handled without needing to resort to a personal appearance. Especially this early in the morning! Something isn't right here. She must be some criminal or snitch or witness or...

I watch, more intently now, as he walks past her, seemingly oblivious to her existence, all the while reaching out and shoving something into her pocket! It was a brilliantly executed maneuver, worthy of any good pickpocket or slight-of-hand magician. She shoots the back of his head an annoyed look, then pays for her latte and walks off, headed in this direction. As she turns my way, I finally recognize her and my head starts to spin.

Selina Kyle. AKA Catwoman. Cat-burglar, Gotham Rogue and star of _Cat Tails_! She is the target of this early morning escapade. What is going on here!? What is Bruce up to? Or Batman, whichever the case may be? Is she aware of any of this? Is she in on it? Is this whole thing some elaborate setup?!?

It is times like these that my telepathic abilities would come in the most handy. I will admit to being a little too curious about human behavior most of the time, but I did use the word "would" for a reason. The truth is, I have serious ethical problems with using my abilities against someone's wishes or without someone's knowledge. To that end, as curious as I may get, I will never invade someone's privacy to that extent. That being said, however, there are times when a person's own psyche is screaming so loudly that it is impossible not to hear it. Be it pain or joy or anger or sadness, sometimes the human soul cries so loudly that anyone with even the merest of telepathic abilities can hear it. 

I have been asked before to explain this phenomenon, and the best description I can come up with is this: a normal human being is sitting in a café and quietly reading a book when suddenly the couple at the table next to them starts having an argument. This person cannot help but overhear the discussion due to the shear volume and relative proximity of the arguers. That is essentially what hearing someone's psyche is like. For the most part, it is more of an empathic ability than a true telepathic one, but the end result is the same. Truthfully, it usually takes a considerable amount of will power on my part to _block_ these ongoing chattering psyches. It is a practice that I have perfected over my many years here on Earth, but it also affords me the capability to let down these barriers and hear what people are thinking, at least on the surface. 

I guess all of this is merely an explanation for my next actions. I make myself a bit more receptive than usual and happen to catch a glimpse at what is going on with Miss Kyle as she approaches my newsstand. I will not delve any further, but on the surface, it appears that she has no idea about the note or that the man who brushed against her was, in fact, Bruce Wayne. As she buys a morning paper, I chat with her politely about the one thing I'm sure everyone else on this block she talks to will talk about: young Melanie and her father, Raoul. While my mouth is blindly chattering away, my mind is racing with the possible meanings of this not-so-chance encounter that evidently Bruce is the only one aware of. She pays for her paper, then thanks me and turns to leave. As she walks away, I notice the letter sticking up out of her pocket slightly. I resist the temptation to rush out and snag it. As curious as I am, this is between Bruce and Miss Kyle. Or possibly Batman and Catwoman. It is really none of my business. 

Though it may warrant a little further investigation.

***

****

JLAComm: Communicator Message Log

SAT47/REL09/STELSAV -- 20010715::21:02:42

::21:02:42.56 - ComReq from MONWMB(UID:JJonzz): PCD-FLSH

::21:03:13.02 - PCD-FLSH Respond

::21:03:13.35 - Begin Transcript - VocTransRecorder

PCD-FLSH: Flash here.

MON(JJ): Wally? It's J'onn. 

PCD-FLSH: Hey, man. Whassup?

MON(JJ): We've got a situation in the Czech Republic. We just received word of an old Soviet nuke being traded on the black market to a crew of Czech Nationalists. We need a Stop and Recovery. I'd call in Superman, but he's off-planet at the moment. We need someone there fast. 

PCD-FLSH: No problemo, mon ami. Give me a sec to change and I'm on my way. 

MON(JJ): Ok. Thanks. I'm transmitting GPS coordinates of the missile's last known whereabouts to your Comm Unit. 

::21:03:37.25 - MONWMB(UID:JJonzz) Trans GPSSig: PCD-FLSH

::21:03:37.48 - PCD-FLSH Rcvd GPSSig

::21:03:38.54 - PCD-FLSH Personal Earpiece Removed/Activated

PCD-FLSH: Ok, got it. En route.

MON(JJ): Roger. 

PCD-FLSH: No, J'onn. It's Wally! *laughter*

MON(JJ): *incoherent mumbling*

PCD-FLSH: Oh, c'mon J'onn! That was a good one!

MON(JJ): If you say so.

PCD-FLSH: Well.. thbbbbbbbth on you, then. *laughter*

MON(JJ): *chuckle*

PCD-FLSH: So J'onn, how's things in the Womb tonight?

MON(JJ): Mostly quiet, except for this. Things appear to be relatively stable planetside. 

PCD-FLSH: Well, probably not for long. I see the Kurdistan thing is picking up again. 

MON(JJ): Yes. So far, nothing too major but I'm keeping an eye on it, just in case. 

PCD-FLSH: Cool. Yeah, I'm actually taking the westerly route at this point. I just want to avoid that whole section of the world right now. 

MON(JJ): Understandable, I suppose. We'll probably end up getting involved eventually, but not until it crosses the border. The JLA doesn't get involved in individual nation's internal conflicts...

PCD-FLSH (In unison): The JLA doesn't get involved in individual nation's internal conflicts...

MON(JJ): *chuckle* Yes, I suppose we all know that one by heart now. 

PCD-FLSH: I swear, Diana and her "Affairs of the State" rules...

MON(JJ): Now Wally, you know they're there for a reason. 

PCD-FLSH: I know, J'onn, but... Ugh! JESUS! 

MON(JJ): Wally?! Are you okay? Come in please..

PCD-FLSH: I'm fine, J'onn. Sorry 'bout that. Bering Straight... It's friggin cold this time of year! 

MON(JJ): *chuckle*

PCD-FLSH: Anyway, I understand that the rules are there for a reason. I even understand why we have them. My quibble isn't with the rules, it's with Diana. Does she have to brow-beat the rules into us every chance that she gets? 

MON(JJ): Wally, Diana is just trying her best to watch out for our best interests...

PCD-FLSH: Oh, c'mon, J'onn. Don't feed me that crap! She's been worse than ever over the last couple'a weeks, and you know it!

MON(JJ): I will agree that she has been a bit more... harsh than usual. I'm sure she's just going through a rough time.

PCD-FLSH: Oooo! That sounds like someone who knows what they're talking about! Have you been holding out on the rest of us, J'onzz?

MON(JJ): *pause* I'm sure I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. 

PCD-FLSH: Uh-huh.

MON(JJ): I assure you I know nothing... much. Anyway, in reality, what business is it of ours?

PCD-FLSH: What business is it?! Look, if she continues this way much longer, there's gonna be some Leaguers who just won't stand for it anymore! She's making it difficult for us to work with her. I mean, just look at the way Arthur's been acting toward her!

MON(JJ): Arthur's... issues with Diana may be more involved than that...

PCD-FLSH: A-HA! I knew you were holding out on us! Gimme the scoop!

MON(JJ): *pause* I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about...

PCD-FLSH: Hrmph. Again, I say "thbbbbbbth!" to you! Anyway, you're lucky! I just got here. Hang on a second.

::21:04:54.14 - PCD-FLSH Muted.

::21:06:27.34 - PCD-FLSH Re-initialized.

PCD-FLSH: OK J'onn, all wrapped up here. I'm headed back to the States. I'll drop this core off by STAR Labs on my way. 

MON(JJ): Roger that, Wally. I'll call ahead and let them know you're coming. 

PCD-FLSH: Thanks. And we'll continue this conversation later...

MON(JJ): *pause* I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about...

PCD-FLSH: Ugh. Whatever. 

::21:07:01.13 - PCD-FLSH Connection Terminated
****

End Log 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thanks for all the support guys. Stayed tuned for Action-Packed Chapter 4! :D

As always, come visit me and/or Chris Dee at the Cat-Tails Message Board: Cat-Tails 


	4. Kurdistan

::Telepathic link re-engaged, Superman::

::Thanks, J'onn. Alright teams, report in. Batman and I are en route to the rendés vous. J'onn?::

::Plastic Man and I are headed your way, Superman. ETA: 2 minutes::

::Thanks, J'onn. Team 3? Kyle?::

::We're just finishing up now, Superman. I'm on my way to the ron-day-voo and Wally is... uh... right behind me?::

::Kyle, was that an answer or a question? What's going on?::

::Well, Wally assures me he'll be there on time, but he's... well... he's incapacitating a tank right now...::

::Incapacitating?::

::Yeah, he's... taking it apart, piece by piece::

::O-kay... Well, as long as he makes it on time, I suppose that's fair. Thanks, Kyle. Team 4?::

::…::

::Team 4? Report please::

::…::

::Diana? What's your status?::

::…::

::Arthur?::

::…::

::J'onn? What's happening?::

::I don't know, Superman. Let me check... Arthur?::

::justaminute::

::Arthur?! This is Superman. We all read you now. Report Please!!::

::I said JUST A MINUTE!::

::Arthur, where is Diana?! Why is she not responding?!?::

::…::

::ARTHUR!::

::Diana's... down::

***

J'onn sat dutifully in the Monitor Womb chair perusing the various screens: CNN, MSNBC, FoxNews, C-SPAN...

Nick at Nite.

It had taken Wally all of 2 weeks to break down and tell J'onn about the now infamous Monitor 15. J'onn had walked in to relieve Wally for monitor duty 3 nights before and caught him completely engrossed in an episode of The Sopranos. Wally's insistence that it was Professional Interest ("An inside look at the Criminal Mind") and not Personal Interest ("Carmela is hot!") could not withstand J'onn's version of "The Stare." Wally had caved in about 15 seconds (A personal record for J'onn).

His penalty for getting caught "misusing" League equipment?

J'onn was looking at it. As all of the other monitors flickered images of world events and global economy reports, Screen 15 was blaring one of J'onn's guilty pleasures: Green Acres. Arnold Ziffel always entertained! The Comm channel suddenly buzzed to life and J'onn quickly started tapping keys to switch Monitor 15 back to C-Span2 where it belonged normally.

"J'onn?" There was no mistaking the voice. Only one person on the planet had that combination of heroism and small-town naiveté,

"Hello, Kal. What can I do for you?"

There was a slight hesitation on the other end of the line, as if the caller had been waiting to hear a different answer. "Have you been watching the developments in Kurdistan?"

J'onn quickly upped the volume on Screen 3: CNN. He watched as Wolf Blitzer stood, holding a combat helmet on his head and speaking in frantic tones. The caption at the bottom of the screen read:

**_Wolf Blitzer  
Live from Kurdistan_**  
Foreign military cadres amass at border.

"Yes…" J'onn lied with remarkable ease. "I was actually just getting ready to call Batman for his insight."

Another pause, followed by "Well, I think we ought to call in the team. Get together for a brief sit-down and go over policy and possible battle plans if intercession becomes necessary. Call the rest of the League, would you? Meeting in the conference room in 15 minutes."

"Of course," J'onn replied before disconnecting the communication link. He sighed in relief like a sixteen-year-old after successfully sneaking back into their room after curfew. He switched over to the Emergency Alert panel and started making the calls.

  


***

  


"Thank you all for coming on such short notice." Superman paced around the table, then sat in his designated chair as the large wall monitor flicked on, showing the now familiar scene of a reporter standing against the backdrop of the Middle Eastern countryside on one half of the screen and a news anchor in some generic newsroom setting on the other half.

_Well, Tom, at around 2:15 AM Local Time this morning, reports started coming in talking about masses of various military vehicles and personnel collecting just outside the western border. Soon after, agencies along the northern and eastern borders reported similar activity as well. We have just received word that several ships have been spotted out in International Waters just south of Kurdistan's southern shore. So far, no aggressive actions or signals have been shown here, but it certainly looks like something is going to happen..._

"Wolf, where are these people and vehicles coming from?"

_It's hard to say, Tom. Truth is, no one really seems to know at this point. None of the vehicles have any distinguishing markings or characteristics and the uniforms do not look familiar to me or anyone else here. It's quite odd, though, that several of the bordering countries in which these "cadres" are collecting are in fact at war with each other. Why they have allowed these other factions to collect inside their borders is still a mystery. Tom?_

"Thanks, Wolf. We will be returning to Wolf briefly, but first we take you live to Washington DC, where former General and current Presidential analyst..."

The room fell silent as the Wall Monitor was muted. Superman turned to address the other 7 League members surrounding the giant round table in the conference room.

"Well, as you can see, things are starting to get a little tense in Kurdistan. 'No aggressive actions' means we stay out of it for now. But I wanted us to get together to go over this. I believe Oracle is currently looking into trying to determine who these 'outside forces' are…" Superman turned to Batman as if awaiting confirmation on his last statement, which garnered a slight nod from the Dark Knight. Superman returned his attention to the others. 

"So... Ideas? Concerns? Comments?" Superman addressed to the assembled heroes.

The Flash was the first to speak up, quoting verbatim the now ingrained policy. "Yeah, I thought 'The JLA doesn't get involved in individual nation's internal conflicts'?"

"Normally, yes," Superman replied, ignoring the obvious chiding in Wally's voice. "That is true, but this collection of apparent invading forces appears to be somewhat out of the ordinary. If it were a simple boarder dispute or neighboring country's bid for more land the League would not interfere. But in this case, evidence seems to point to a far more sinister situation." Superman turned to Batman and motioned to the center of the table. 

"Oracle? Report." Batman called, using his personal channel to contact the woman behind the floating green holographic head that suddenly appeared in the center of the table. The responding voice seemed to come from no where and everywhere at once.

"Well, all of the bordering countries are denying any involvement. Though they have promised to investigate these strange cadres within their own borders, so far they haven't really made any real effort to do so. The energy signatures from the weapons and vehicles signify technology far too advanced for any country in that region to even think about, much less be able to afford. The different camps of forces seemed to appear out of no where... they just suddenly marched up to the borders, suited up and ready for battle. I'm thinking that whoever this is, made a deal with the surrounding countries to allow them access to the borders. With military technology like this at their disposal, bargaining with these constantly warring countries would have been simple."

"Ok, so who are they?" Kyle interjected.

"We don't know at this time," Oracle responded. "It could be military forces from a distant country. Kurdistan provides a large portion of the world's oil, but the civil war that has been raging in that area threatens that oil source. Another possibility is that it's one of the many criminals or criminal organizations has decided that owning their own country will help put them on the map."

"Literally," Plastic Man added, eliciting a groan from several of the other Leaguers.

"Ra's Al Ghul, Vandal Savage, Kobra... the list is limitless." Oracle continued.

"Any indications from the technology who it could be?" J'onn prompted.

"No," Oracle replied. "Whoever they are, the technology, though fairly advanced, is stuff that would be readily available to anyone via the black market. They obviously don't want anyone to know who they really are."

"Thanks, Oracle. Keep us posted," Superman replied, taking control of the meeting once again. "Ok, so operating under the assumption that this is not just a bit of civil unrest, but an outright attack from an outside source, what do we..."

"Hang on a second," Diana interrupted. All eyes shifted to her as she leaned forward across the table, staring directly at Superman. "Why are we getting involved at all? Seems to me that this is a political issue. Never mind the 'non-interference' policy, this is a problem the world's governments and diplomats should try to resolve…"

"Diana," Arthur intervened, "if this is an old League villain or, Gods forbid, some new global threat, then we should take this opportunity to check it out." His tone was non-combative but his icy stare aimed directly at the Amazonian caught more than a few of the other Leaguers off guard. Discreetly, both Wally and Kyle reached under the table and pulled out small wads of cash. They shot quick glances at one another and smirked before returning their attention to the table. 

"I'm just saying, this is setting a dangerous precedent, that's all," Diana replied, shifting her attention directly to Arthur. "We step in now and this whole thing becomes about the JLA's support of one side or the other in this on-going war. We need to make sure who we're going up against before we just run in there with our guns blazing..."

A disappointed look flashed across Wally's face then disappeared. Under the table, he peeled one bill out of his stack and handed it to Kyle.

"No one is planning on rushing into this," Arthur replied. "We're merely talking about contingencies at the moment. And it will _never_ become a question of 'sides.' Not if we make our intentions clear..."

"Regardless of our intentions, Arthur, with such a heavy media presence in the area..."

"Fuck the media," Arthur spat more under his breath than at Diana or anyone in particular as he leaned back in his chair. Kyle shot Arthur an aggravated look that went unnoticed then, under the table, flipped two bills out of his stack and passed them over to Wally. 

"Your personal opinions regarding the international press aside," Diana continued, "any involvement on our part could be construed as intervention in a global-political conflict."

"Global-Political conflict?! It's a WAR! It's a bloody, out-of-control Holy War that's been raging for decades, if not centuries!" Arthur's tone increased in intensity, but not in volume. No one at the table wanted the discussion to turn into a shouting match... well, except for two certain individuals who had rather large standing wagers placed on the outcome of such a battle between The Amazon and The Atlantian.

As Arthur and Diana continued their... discussion, J'onn glanced around the table. Wally and Kyle were at it again. Their little side-bets on who would say what in any Arthur/Diana face-off had not gone unnoticed. J'onn fired a rather parental looking glare at the duo which Kyle responded to by casting his gaze downward in shame and putting away his cash. Wally, on the other hand, gave J'onn that hand-in-the-cookie-jar "What?" look that turned into a most mischievous grin. J'onn simply rolled his eyes and looked over at Plastic Man, sitting with his elbow on the table and seemingly intently watching the discussion. 

J'onn knew, however, that Eel's interest was not particularly in the conversation, but more in his... view. Plaz enjoyed these "discussions" more than the others realized not because of some deep-seated interest in the topic at hand or some lofty aspirations of resolving the conflicts, but because he sat directly across the table from Diana. Diana, who moved her hands, arms and upper body very vehemently when she spoke. Diana, who tended to lean forward a lot when having these "heated" discussions. Diana, who had no idea exactly how little her eagle-embossed breast-plate covered. Plaz sat, eyes covered by his oversized goggles, staring intently at the Amazonian Hills, completely oblivious to the world around him. J'onn shot a quick mental jolt at Plaz letting him know that his actions were not going unnoticed either.

::Cut it out, Eel.::

Plaz continued to sit unmoving and unfazed by J'onn's comment, chin still resting in his hand as he watched the conversation continue. From the edge of the table to the left side of Plaz, a thin, stretchy digit rose up slowly, the slight glint of fingernail pointing directly at J'onn, who immediately determined the digit to be the middle one. J'onn grunted lightly, then covered it with a light cough.

The conversation kept going, oblivious to J'onn's cough, but Superman had caught it and he turned his head toward the Martian, a questioning look on his face. J'onn returned Clark's glance and shook his head lightly in a "Never mind" gesture. Clark nodded lightly and returned his attention to the conversation, which although appearing civil, had started to develop a rather strange undercurrent. J'onn knew that Clark was actually paying attention to what was being said more than anyone else in the room, including the two having the conversation. Ever the Hero of Truth, Clark was probably frantically trying to come up with a solution to this confrontation. 

Batman sat to J'onn's right, leaning back in his chair with his fingers steepled under his nose. J'onn shot a quick glance over to the Dark Knight and realized that Batman was deep in thought, not about the conversation at the table, but most likely plotting strategies and planning contingencies in the event that they had to interfere in the Middle East conflict. Just as J'onn was about to lean over to discuss strategies with Batman, The Dark Knight's right hand shot out and started tapping several keys on the console in front of his seat. His left hand came down, slapping the top of the table and startling everyone into silence. 

"It's a moot point, now," Batman explained, motioning to the wall monitor as he un-muted the sound.

_... about 2 or 3 minutes ago, Tom. The vehicles started moving in toward the border. Although no fighting has begun, I think it's safe to say that whatever we were waiting for is about to..._

A large red fireball exploded into the night sky behind the reporter, the concussive blast taking a full 2 seconds to reach the camera. The reporter jerked forward suddenly, a look of sheer panic and fear crossing his face a second before the camera went dead. Immediately, the screen flicked back to the news desk where an awe-struck anchor sat, mouth agape for a second before he regained his composure to address the camera in front of him. 

"Well, folks, we don't know exactly what's happening at this time bu..."

The monitor went silent again and all of the Leaguers turned to face each other around the table. Soon, all eyes shifted to Superman who was still staring at the now silent image on the screen. He finally turned to address the gathered heroes.

"Ok, ShowTime. How do we want to handle this?" 

Batman quickly punched a few more buttons on his control panel and a large holographic map of Kurdistan appeared floating over the table. Small red dots appeared on the surrounding landscape all slowly moving inward toward the borders. Batman spoke quickly, motioning on the 3-D map of Kurdistan and the surrounding areas as he laid out his plan.

"Here's the plan. The largest contingent is to the North. We teleport in here," he instructed, pointing to an area about 2 inches behind the red dots to the northern part of the map. "We come in from behind and split up the main group as much as possible. Once we break through to the front lines, we split off into four teams of two: One flyer, one non-flyer. Superman and I will be Team One. We will stay behind and finish up the group to the North. J'onn and Plastic Man: you are Team Two. You will head out to the Eastern border and handle whatever they have there. Initial reports indicate mostly ground troops and light vehicles, so watch for small arms fire. Team Three: Lantern and Flash will head West..."

"Appropriate," Wally joked.

"Shut up, Wally," Batman spat, never taking his eyes off the map. He continued:

"You're contingent appears to be the heavy-arms division. Large tanks and Surface-to-Air missile battalions. Wally, I would suggest taking out the SAM's first to give Kyle some breathing room."

"Yes, _sir_." Wally replied, the agitation in his voice unmistakable. 

Batman continued on, Wally's personal feelings holding no bearing on the task at hand. "Team Four: Aquaman and Wonder Woman." There was a brief pause, even in Batman's rolling list of orders as every person in the room suddenly realized the team-up just proposed. Batman quickly resumed however, the battle plan in his head taking precedence. "You will head to the Arabian Sea to the south." Batman finally looked up from the map to meet Arthur's gaze. Arthur sat, fully attentive and awaiting the plan. Batman flicked his eyes over to Diana and only caught the side of her head as she stared directly at Arthur. Bruce recognized that look as the one that his mother always used to give his father in public when she expected him to retort to some baseless accusation regarding his character. Obviously nonplussed by Arthur's lack of response she turned to Batman and prepared to object to the team assignments when Batman continued, ignoring her altogether. 

"Yours will be the most critical assignment," Batman added, the statement seeming to please Diana. At least pleasing enough for her to keep quiet long enough to hear him out. "We have no idea of the size or scope of the forces off the southern coast. You two will be heading in a little blind but I'm sure it's nothing the two of you cannot handle together." Diana turned again to Arthur, this time more for confirmation of acceptance, but she was greeted by the side of his head as he continued to stare straight ahead at Batman. 

"All told, this shouldn't take us more than 30 minutes to quell," Batman prompted, earning a few questioning looks from the surrounding team. "Since we still don't know who we're up against, I suggest we do this as quickly and discreetly as possible. It's now 4:13 AM Kurdistan time which means we have the cover of night to our advantage. Until we know for sure that this is an 'outside' entity, try to keep any press visibility to a minimum. Once done, we meet here." Batman pointed to the Kurdistan capitol on the large holographic map as he continued, "The mobile teleport units will be setup at the Capitol building. We'll meet there and come back up here for a debriefing once we're done. Considering our recent... encounters with unknown technology and telepathic adversaries, I suggest we do this one quietly. No Comm traffic, no telepathic communications." Several of the Leaguers moved as if to protest, but Batman cut off any objections quickly. "No communication except between team members! We cannot afford the possibility of detection before we strike."

"I would agree with that," Superman interjected, squashing any other objections. "Once we hit planetside, we go communication blackout until the 'two-minute warning.' At that point, J'onn will re-establish the telepathic link and we'll head for the capitol. The only reason to break Comm-silence is in an emergency. The plan is solid. Let's setup and get ready to roll, folks." 

The Leaguers all stood and headed for the teleport tubes. Flash arrived at the control panels first and began punching in the coordinates for the landing site Batman had suggested. He momentarily pondered setting Batman's tube to drop him somewhere over Siberia, then configured all 4 tubes to the appropriate locations. The other Leaguers arrived at the tubes and divided into their teams for teleportation. Diana continually stared at Arthur, obviously waiting for him to say... something. Arthur, however, seemed to be in "Action Mode" and was paying absolutely no attention to her. She huffed quietly to herself as they entered the tube and prepared for teleportation. 

Superman and Batman stepped into Tube #1 as Wally finished setting up the teleports. As the Tubes began to hum, Clark turned to his long-time friend and teammate, a sudden look of concern washing over his face. "Uh, Batman? Shouldn't we have contacted Oracle about getting the mobile teleport tubes to the capitol? They'll never make it there on time!"

Something odd started to happen with the corner of Batman's mouth. He continued to stare straight ahead, his lip twitching ever so slightly in what Clark finally recognized as the first smile he'd ever seen appear on Bruce's face inside the cowl. The knowing smirk quickly faded as the soft blue light of the teleport tube began to surround them. 

Just as the beam began to activate, Batman spoke with a calm and determination that sent a chill down Clark's spine.

"They arrived twenty minutes ago."

  


***

  


::What do you mean "Diana's down?!::

::…::

::ARTHUR!!?!::

::Dammit, Give me a minute! I'm a little busy here!::

::J'onn?::

::On my way, Superman! Arthur, hold on! I'm en route now!::

::J'onn, don't worry about me, just find Diana. Last I saw she was dropping somewhere near the shoreline. I've got one last straggler here who appears to be trying to run. I'm going after them now. You guys head back up to the 'Tower. I'll get to the tube in Atlantis and meet you there.::

  


***

  


"What the hell happened out there?!" Batman stormed into the conference room, his voice filling the large hall. Kyle, Wally and Plastic Man all sat in their respective seats at the table all three fiddling with scraps of metal and several small control boxes. They studied every piece, trying to determine the origin of the tank that the pieces had come from. Superman stood in front of the large monitor as reports started pouring in about the mysterious halting of the invading troops in Kurdistan. 

"I don't know, Batman. None of us do right now." Superman's voice was much calmer, but the tension and anger was still audible. "J'onn took Diana directly to the infirmary, but until she comes around or Arthur shows up, we still don't really know what happened to the south.

"She was hit from behind," J'onn answered as he entered the room. "Some kind of rocket or missile. She says she never saw it coming."

"She's awake?" Superman asked, concern creeping into his voice for the first time. J'onn nodded. The three men stood, trading glances as each one pondered the potential problems a screw up of this nature could mean for the team. They had covered the incident well, but something fell apart in the field and that never boded well. It was Superman who finally broke the mounting silence. "How did this happen?" 

"Diana didn't say," J'onn answered. "All she said was that the last thing she remembers is getting hit, then waking up here. Which means..."

"Which means we have to wait for Arthur," Diana finished, walking into the room and heading over to her chair, holding a cold compress against the back of her head. "I have no idea what happened, but Arthur was supposed to be watching my back and, well..." She held up the ice pack as if that was enough of an explanation. Superman turned and moved to his chair beside her, inspecting the back of her head while Batman walked over and stood behind his chair and spoke to her directly.

"What happened?" Batman queried.

"I don't really know. We got there and there were only 4 or 5 little boats with minimal crews. Couldn't have been more than 50 men total. We took them out pretty quickly and I turned to come up North and help you guys... then I got hit from by behind!" The obvious aggravation in Diana's voice caused the trio of parts inspectors to pause and look up at her. She shot them an icy stare and all three heads simultaneously dropped back down to the mass of parts on the table. 

"So what... or _who_... hit you?" Superman asked.

"East Germany!" Kyle erupted, looking up from the parts to the assembled Leaguers. He paused as J'onn, Batman, Superman and Diana all shot him completely confused looks. He looked at each of them in turn, then coughed lightly, trying to hide the nervousness in his voice. "Uh... the Tank," he explained, holding up a small mechanical device for explanation. "The Tank was from East Germany. Or was, anyway. I mean, I know East Germany doesn't exist anymore, it's just Germany, but the writing here says..."

"Old East German tanks? That's odd." J'onn replied, cutting Kyle off mid-ramble. "The soldiers we faced were carrying old Italian infantry rifles." 

"And driving Saudi desert vehicles!" Eel added, remembering the trucks he had bounced off the road by rolling down the side of a hill as a giant bowling ball. 

"So this doesn't bring us any closer to who was behind all of this," Batman reasoned. "East German Tanks, Saudi Vehicles, Italian rifles... These weapons and vehicles could have been picked up by anyone. Still, I'll get Oracle onto tracking the equipment. See if we can find out who bought all this."

"Kobra!" Arthur strolled into the conference room, his hair still slightly damp and a large sheet of blackened metal at his side, his harpoon piercing the middle of the large slab.

"Kobra?" Batman responded. "As in the Cult of the Cobra leader? Are you certain?"

"Pretty certain," Arthur replied sarcastically as he jerked his arm toward the large round table. The large metal scrap flew off his harpoon and landed with a clatter in the middle of the table, the large symbol of a coiled, hooded snake staring up at the seated Leaguers. 

"What is that from?" Superman asked, standing up and inspecting the metal slab in the center of the table. 

"Submarine," Arthur responded, walking over to his chair and standing behind it in the same fashion that Batman had just moments before. "Old Russian nuclear sub. They were using it as the base of operations for this little 'invasion' of theirs. I guess they thought Kurdistan was easy pickings at the moment..." During his explanation, Arthur appeared to be purposefully avoiding looking at Diana at all. "The crew of the sub are being held in Atlantis as we speak. My staff is trying to get as much information out of them as possible, but considering how fanatical these guys are, we probably won't get much."

"So the Sub shot at Diana?" Superman probed.

"No, the sub was too far down, even for submergible rockets. The rockets came from one of the boats..."

"The boats?" J'onn asked, turning a quizzical eye from Arthur to Diana, then back to Arthur. "I thought you had taken out the boats at that point."

Arthur shot a questioning look to Diana, who immediately looked away and up to J'onn. Arthur's look turned from quizzical to bordering on viscous. He turned back to J'onn and spoke, the anger seething in his voice. "I guess we missed one..." he offered. 

"So there's still one out there?!" Superman asked, already preparing to head back to the Arabian Sea to finish the job. 

"No," Arthur interrupted, turning his icy stare back to Diana. "I finished them all off. It's over. We know who was behind it and the crisis is over. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go check on our prisoners and see if there's any thing else we can find out." Arthur turned and headed for the door. 

"Arthur, wait..." Superman called after him, but Arthur marched out the door and headed off toward the teleport tubes. Superman called to him again, to no answer, then turned to J'onn. J'onn looked to Diana, who simply watched as Arthur left. J'onn looked to Superman, nodded shortly, then headed out the door after Arthur, leaving a table full of stunned Leaguers. Superman tried to recollect the group by talking over how to track Kobra down, but all eyes kept shifting toward the doorway.

Once out of eye- and earshot of the conference room, J'onn called to Arthur, still on his steady march to the Teleport Tubes. "Arthur? What happened out there?"

"Let's not get into this right now, J'onn" came the reply.

"Arthur? Arthur!!?" J'onn called after him again, this time running up to grab him by the shoulder. "Tell me what happened..."

Arthur stopped, his back still turned. There was a brief pause as Arthur collected himself, then sighed. He mumbled something under his breath that J'onn couldn't make out. 

What?" J'onn prompted.

"I said," Arthur restated, slowly "She ditched me in the field." 

"Ditched you?"

Arthur spun on J'onn, his eyes burning with anger. "She ditched me! She left me to deal with the entire fleet alone!"

"Wha..?"

"She... " He paused, trying to suppress the anger. Arthur didn't want to take this out on J'onn. He took a deep breath. "We got out there and saw 5 ships, all not much bigger than deep sea fishing boats," Arthur began recounting the story quietly, the anger in his voice steadily rising. "There were only a handful of troops on the ships. I asked her to drop me down so I could get a closer look. All of a sudden she starts rambling on about this whole thing being a waste of her time and that it was all below her 'station,' whatever the hell _that_ meant! Then she dropped me down into the water. As soon as I broke the surface, I noticed the subs... all eight subs, sitting under the water and waiting. I surfaced and started looking around for Diana to tell her about them when she suddenly floated down right over me. She just lowered down like she was in the middle of the fucking park or something, looking all disgusted. Her face was twisted in this completely aggravated and... I dunno... almost offended look. She told me that I could "Handle this" and she turned around and started to leave! She started heading back to fucking shore! She just fucking left! Like she was giving **me** orders and she was off to do her own little important thing! Meanwhile, there's who knows how many guys on these boats plus eight rather large submarines waiting to blast the two of us to kingdom come! And she's just floating away and leaving me there to deal with this shit **alone!**"

J'onn stood in shocked silence listening to Arthur recount the events. His mind started racing over what he was hearing. All of this seemed to be building toward an unbelievable conclusion. ! The thought was unfathomable, yet it seemed to be where Arthur's tirade was heading. J'onn's heart suddenly leapt to his throat and his stomach twisted itself into knots. Was Arthur the Culprit? Had Arthur actually been the one to take Diana down in the middle of a battle? Outwardly, J'onn stood, stoic as ever, listening as Arthur reached a fever pitch. 

"I mean, what the fuck is that about!?! You never... **ever** abandon a teammate like that!" Arthur suddenly paused, finally realizing how intense he had gotten. He took a deep breath to compose himself, closed his eyes, and breathed out. His eyes opened slowly and he looked to J'onn, his face turning into the picture of defeat. He started slowly again, relaying what happened next in as calm a voice as he could muster. 

"I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye and turned just in time to see a soldier on the bow of one of the boats launching a rocket from some kind of shoulder-mounted launcher. I called out... but it was too late. The rocket slammed into her back and sent her spiraling toward the ground."

Arthur's eyes appeared to cloud over and go distant, as he relived the whole event over in his head. The image of Diana getting blasted in the back was forever etched in his memory. J'onn reached out a laid a steadying hand on Arthur's shoulder, relief finally washing over the Martian as he realized Arthur had not been the one to take Diana down. Arthur shook himself out of the trance, the anger rising again in his face. 

"Suddenly, I found myself having to choose: Complete the mission alone or help a fallen teammate. Now, normally, that's a no-brainer for me. Nine times out of ten, I'm helping the fallen colleague. But this time... I don't know. I guess I figured that the mission was more important." 

He trailed off for a moment, knowing that his last statement wasn't really the truth. "Or maybe it was that I figured that Diana had dug her own fucking hole this time and I wasn't gonna bail her out. I figured she could handle herself. I've seen her take shots like that before and shrug them off. So I took care of the entire sea-faring crew and left her to fend for herself." Arthur looked directly at J'onn, the anger once again burning in his eyes. "Please excuse me if I chose to accomplish our mission instead of saving the precious Princess from her own stupidity..."

J'onn tightened his grip on Arthur's shoulder to calm him. "Arthur, no one is blaming you. We just had no idea what was happening out there. Why don't you come back into the conference room and..."

"No!" Arthur interrupted, pulling himself from J'onn's grasp. "I can't do it right now, J'onn. I can't even face her. Let her tell whatever version of the story she wants to... I just... can't." 

Arthur turned away and headed toward the teleport tubes again. J'onn watched in silence as Arthur disappeared into the glowing tube, still processing the entire conversation. Why had Diana acted this way? She knew better than to abandon a teammate in the field. Something was seriously wrong. 

Wally, Kyle and Plastic Man coming up from behind, chatting loudly and heading for the tubes, interrupted his thoughts. They approached J'onn and asked about Arthur, which he responded to with a half-hearted grin and flippant explanation about stress and problems in Atlantis. The trio headed off, saying their good-byes to one another and disappearing into the tubes. J'onn felt a hand on his shoulder and without turning around, addressed the man behind him. 

"I take it the meeting's over then, Clark?"

"Yes," the Man of Steel replied. "We're done. Wonder Woman has volunteered for Monitor Duty and Batman is working with Oracle on tracking down Kobra."

J'onn smiled lightly, knowing that the Cult of the Cobra didn't stand a chance with the tag team of the World's Greatest Detective and the World's Greatest Hacker on their trail. Diana taking Monitor Duty was not that much of a surprise either. She liked sitting in the Monitor Womb after a battle, for some reason J'onn had yet to really determine. She probably found it a relaxing getaway of sorts: a place to unwind and collect her thoughts. She obviously had a lot to think about that night. J'onn sighed, his mind still reeling from his conversation with Arthur. 

Superman respectfully stood behind J'onn, letting the Martian collect his thoughts. The two men stood in silence as they had done many times in the past. The two alien members of the JLA shared a bond that generally transcended the spoken word. Truly the Heart and the Soul of the League, they were often the ones to deal with any conflict within the League itself. And the Diana/Arthur conflict was shaping up to be their biggest challenge to date. 

J'onn finally broke the silence. "I take it you heard all of that?"

"Yes," Superman replied, coming around to stand next to J'onn. 

"We obviously have a few things to discuss." 

"We certainly do," Superman agreed. "But not tonight," he added with a smile. "Let's get together tomorrow night and discuss it then. Give us both a chance to reflect and process what's been happening. Try to come at this... thing... with the clearest heads possible." He cocked an eyebrow in J'onn's direction, his smile creeping into a sly grin. "Besides, we have far more important things to discuss this evening."

"Oh?"

Superman paused a moment longer before asking: "Green Acres?"

  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  


As usual, special thanks to Chris Dee for the insight and support.  
Come say "Hi!" at the Cat-Tails Message Board


	5. Protocols

JLAin't: The Other Side  
Chapter 5 - Protocols  
Author: MyklarCure

A/N: The events of this chapter take place about a week following the events of the Tower of Babel (The Protocols) story arc in the JLA Comic series (Issues 43-46). 

Special Thanks to Chris Dee for her input, especially with Selina. ;) 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"He's using you, ya know."

Plastic Man had pulled Catwoman aside when she and Batman had arrived at the Watchtower for his shift on Monitor Duty. Plaz thought it a little strange that Catwoman had accompanied the Dark Knight, but he figured Ol' Dark and Broody was working on a case and with her and Monitor Duty was just an inconvenient change of venue. When he had seen the two of them enter the Monitor Womb, he was a bit taken aback, but immediately shifted his face into a strangely stoic and grim expression. As soon as Batman had moved to the other side of the room to log in for Duty, Plastic Man had pulled Catwoman aside to talk to her.

"I just wanted to make sure you understood that before you continued... working with him."

Catwoman looked at the strange man of plastic, her face unwavering. It was an odd way to open a strange discussion, but Selina had been in more that a few of those recently. With things... progressing the way they had with Bruce, she knew that _some_ run-ins with the League were inevitable. But she hadn't been exactly looking forward to this little trip to the Watchtower in the first place. Yes, things were progressing in the... relationship with Bruce, but it was still relatively new. Even in 'normal' relationships - between two people who haven't been enemies for years - there is always that slight bit of awkwardness surrounding how you will look in front of other people, especially in front of your significant other's friends and colleagues. Add in spandex, Universe-sized egos and some pretty extreme notions of Right and Wrong, and the prospect of meeting your new beau's "work-mates" becomes a venture bordering on terrifying. 

It's not like she hadn't met or even talked to these people before - she'd worked with the JLA and several of its members on occasion. But there had always been a strange undercurrent with any conversation involving Catwoman and the Justice League, especially as it pertained to Batman. The Hero-Rumor-Mill being what it was, long-standing debates over the nature of the relationship between Catwoman and Batman had produced some of the strangest theories since the Grassy Knoll. Before, the rumors had been easy to deal with - a little mysterious taunting, a sly little smile and a dash of innuendo - mostly because underneath it all there was nothing to tell. Now, though, some of those rumors were actually coming true and Catwoman found herself a little out of sorts when it came to how to handle the questioning stares and whispered rumors. She had even gone so far as to confront Bruce ("_What are we supposed to tell them, Bruce. That we're 'Just Enemies'?"_) who's typically dismissive response (_"Who cares what they think!"_) did little to allay her anxiety. 

So instead, she found herself stuck in what could laughingly be referred to as an "intervention" by one of the craziest "White-hats" in the business. She realized pretty quickly, however, that Plastic Man was still smarting a bit over the whole "Protocols" affair. She put on her best "Okay, I'm listening patiently and politely waiting for whatever inane drivel you have to tell me" Wayne-Foundation-Party look. (This look adapted from the "Okay, I'm listening patiently and politely to your rigid, short-sighted, hero-addled take on this" face used on rooftops, museums,& jewelry stores)

"I don't know what you two are working on or what case he has you looking over, but I'm just warning you that once it's done and he's done with you, don't expect anything. He's a duplicitous, conniving, scheming, back-stabbing prick who only cares about having things _his_ way. Whatever he's promised you... whatever he's told you to expect... don't! Don't believe a damn word he says..."

Selina stared, waiting to see if he was finished or just catching his breath. At least he was being completely up front and sincere with her. It was how he felt. Granted, his view may have been a bit skewed, but it was honesty nonetheless, a rare and admirable quality amongst the Costumed Community. 

"Listen, from one former criminal to... well... a current one," Plaz managed a weak smile, "I just wanted to give you a heads-up. Just because I _used_ to be like you... just because I _used_ to live on the 'wrong side of the law'... just because I'm 'reformed,' doesn't mean that I don't understand the mindset anymore. And _no one_ likes being used. I just thought you deserved to know."

She could tell he was hurting, that much was obvious. And it was that insight that was keeping her from ripping him into little pieces of plastic confetti at that moment. Normally, a quick "'_Understand the Criminal Mindset' my ass!_" would put the kibosh on whatever self-righteous indulgence _Whatever_-Man decided to delve into. But something was out of whack with Plastic Man at the moment. This was the guy who was normally the first one on the joke, the first one to make an off-handed or joking remark about _anything_, and yet there he was, exposing his own pain in the hopes of preventing pain in another. 

The animosity in his voice was unmistakable, but there was something else. Something in his eyes, in his face, in the way he moved. Something oddly familiar... 

Plastic Man looked to the floor for a second, his mind racing. His eyes flicked back up to hers, his face somber and almost pleading. He took a deep breath, let it out and added, "Because... you deserve better than that."

Selina's face remained stoic while her mind immediately clicked onto the "something" in Plastic Man's demeanor: he was smitten. She'd seen it before, countless times both as Catwoman and as Selina Kyle. She knew how to handle _that._ She swayed her hips ever so slightly as she took a step toward him and ran a gentle finger down his cheek. 

"Thank you, Stretchy. That's very sweet. But," She turned her finger slightly, her claw digging in, not enough not to break this skin, but just enough to accentuate her point. "I can take care of myself." 

The slightly menacing gleam in her eye made Plastic Man suddenly realize that, regardless of what Batty's intentions for Catwoman were, it was quite possible that Plaz was talking to wrong person about "Watching your back." Plaz fought with all of his will to keep his physical shape upright instead of drooping down into a warm puddle of goo on the floor as the cool, sharp tip of her claw traced it's way down his cheek and under his chin.

"Oh, and one more thing... " Selina purred, sending a lusty shiver down Eel's jellying spine. "Regardless of what you _used_ to do, you were _never_ 'like me'!" She gave him a quick wink, then turned and headed back over to the Monitor Womb chair, where Bruce was busy setting up the monitor settings to his liking. Plaz watched her hips sway back and forth as she left and immediately collapsed into the aforementioned puddle of goo. He slithered out the door of the Monitor Womb and headed for the teleport tubes. 

***

"WHO?!?"

"Catwoman!" Eel spat into the receiver. "She's up there with him now!"

"Ok, let me get this right..." Wally was more than a little ticked at hearing Plaz's news. He was restraining himself from spinning around his living room like a tornado mostly out of respect for his sleeping wife in the next room. "... First, he comes up with these back-stabbing schemes to disable each and every member of the league. Then he allows those schemes to get stolen by an global terrorist and now he's bringing known felons to the Watchtower!?!"

"Yeah, that's the long and short of it." Eel stretched out on his couch, holding the phone against his ear with one elongated finger. "I'm beginning to think the papers had the right idea!"

"No kidding!" Wally had read the newspaper reports, same as the rest of the civilized world. Most of the "Investigative Journalism" papers (read: Tabloids) were reporting that Batman had been kicked out of the Justice League after the Protocols incident. Many of the main-stream papers had reported on the event and declared that he had either been suspended or was on temporary leave. The only paper to report the truth - that he had been yelled at by all the members of the team, but no official "punishment" was meted out - was the Daily Planet, which immediately after the article ran an anonymous Editorial asking for Batman's immediate resignation from the League. 

Wally continued: "I mean, really... The DP is probably the most League-friendly paper on the planet, and when **they're** saying he should be gone..."

"Seriously!" Eel was actually starting to calm down a bit after his run in with Catwoman. It helped that Wally was seemingly as pissed as he was about her presence in the Tower. At least it gave his knee-jerk reaction a little validity. "I mean, I don't know about you, but I've been on eggshells ever since... I just keep waiting for the other fish to drop."

Wally opened his mouth to question Eel's use of aquatic life in the place of foot apparel, then stopped when it occurred to him again just who he was talking to. "I know what you mean, Plaz. I think we ought to 'bench' him for the next couple-a missions. I know there will be a few of the other members who will be wary just working beside him..."

"Yeah, I'm one of 'em," Eel interjected. "I mean, I just can't see myself in a life or death situation with that... man at my back..."

Both ends of the line were suddenly quiet. Not an awkward or nervous silence, but rather the revered silence of two soldiers who know they've survived hell and high water together reflecting on their mutual respect and love for one another. 

"Anyway," Eel finally broke the silence, "I just thought you should be aware of the... situation before you went up to relieve him from Duty..."

"Thanks, Eel. I appreciate the call."

"Well, that... and I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy reacting the way I did."

"Plaz," Wally replied, a small hint of returning humor sneaking into his voice. "You _are_ crazy. Just not about this."

They both laughed, both feeling a bit of relief. 

"Well, there is that," Eel agreed. "Anyway, I'll talk to ya later."

"Later, Plaz."

Wally hung up the phone and sighed. He shook his head lightly, as if clearing his mind, then picked the phone back up and punched in a number he knew by heart. 

"Kyle? Wally. Dude, you're not gonna believe this shit..."

***

"WHAT?!?"

"I just got off the phone with Kyle and he told me that Bruce has Catwoman up in the Watchtower with him for monitor duty." J'onn repeated. To call Arthur pissed at that moment was an understatement of Oceanic-Trench proportions. 

"What the fuck is she doing up there?!?" Arthur paced his throne room, his right hand rubbing his left forearm just above the harpoon. J'onn immediately noticed a regal air about his longtime friend. He paced like a King just hearing of an invasion of his kingdom. J'onn supposed that, in a way, that wasn't all that far from the truth. He also recognized that part of it may very well have to do with their current location. Per J'onn's request, Arthur had cleared the room of aides and counsel, but J'onn knew that even if it were empty, the Throne Room always had Arthur in "King-mode." J'onn moved toward the ante-chamber, motioning for Arthur to follow. 

"Please, Arthur, I need to sit. Being this far underwater has an effect on my Martian... sensibilities and it wears me down. Let's have this discussion somewhere a bit more... comfortable."

Most (if not all) of the beings in the Hero Community had a "Game Face" - the look, feel and image of the soldier ready for battle. Most of the Leaguers had one and J'onn knew them all. He'd just recently discovered, during the whole Protocols incident, that even Plastic Man had a Game Face. He realized that this was part of the separation when it came to Secret Identities. This is what separated Clark from Superman, Kyle from Green Lantern, Wally from The Flash. J'onn supposed that this was the true reason for the costumes in the first place. Putting on the brightly colored spandex, the glowing outfits and the flowing capes helped people "feel the part" - much like an actor on a stage. J'onn had to admit from his experiences in his different "human roles" that the difference in appearance helped to put a person into the right frame of mind. It's difficult _not_ to feel like the champion of Truth and Justice with that bright red "S" on your chest. All of the outfits are merely the reflection of that "Game Face." 

But there were a few that didn't have a separate "Face" when going into battle, but instead an entirely different personality in and out of costume. The most obvious, of course, was Bruce. There was Bruce Wayne and there was Batman. Two totally separate entities "sharing" the same physical body. On countless occasions, J'onn had seen him shift from one persona to the other in the blink of an eye and continually marveled at how subtle and discreet and, at the same time, monstrously obvious the shift was. The major difference with the Bruce/Batman shift _was_ the costume. J'onn knew that he had seen instances of Batman "dressed" in Bruce Wayne's clothes. But, to his considerable memory, he could _never_ picture a time where he had seen Bruce Wayne in the Cape and Cowl. He imagined that Batman's psyche would never allow it. 

J'onn's experience with the Bruce/Batman Duality Syndrome prepared him for what he saw next. Arthur's posture dropped almost immediately and his face softened. In an instant, the man before him seemed to change into a completely separate entity. For the first time in his long relationship with this man that he considered to be one of his closest friends, J'onn recognized that there was a Bruce/Batman style difference in Arthur. It wasn't the difference between Arthur and Aquaman - that difference was the same "Game Face" change as Clark, Kyle or Wally. No, this was the difference between Arthur and _King Orin, Ruler of the Seven Seas_. **Arthur** was a half-human/half Atlantian hero who sometimes spent his time fighting alongside other heroes in the Justice League. **King Orin** was monarch and ruler of the entire undersea kingdom of Atlantis as well as 75% of the globe. King Orin had powers and responsibilities that no single being on the planet could truly fathom. 

This entire thought process rifled through J'onn's mind as they made their way into the ante-chambers. His concentration was immediately broken by Arthur's much calmer voice. 

"You're thinking too loudly again, J'onn." 

"Sorry," J'onn responded with a slight chuckle. He knew Arthur, with his limited psychic abilities, couldn't hear J'onn's precise thoughts. However, he could pick up the sensation of someone nearby in deep concentration... almost like white-noise in the dark. 

"So he's got Catwoman up in the Watchtower with him on monitor duty, does he?" Arthur interjected again, returning to the initial conversation that brought J'onn to his home. 

"Yes," J'onn replied. "No one seems to know why, exactly..."

"And we probably never will," Arthur interrupted, turning to look at J'onn directly. "This is Bruce we're talking about."

"True enough," J'onn agreed with a slight smile. 

Arthur turned toward his friend and sat down in the chair next to him. "So, the real question is: Is he fucking with us again, or is he fucking with her?" 

J'onn sighed. "I don't know, Arthur. All I know right now is she's there. The details are second-hand at best."

Arthur finally managed a small smile. "And we all know how the League Rumor Mill operates..."

"Exactly," J'onn chuckled. 

"So," Arthur prompted, feeling that the topic of Batman's inequities needed shelving until more info came in. "What brings you to Atlantis?"

J'onn shifted lightly in his seat, taking in the ambiance and splendor of the room while explaining to Arthur. "Well, I wanted you to know about the Catwoman thing before you started hearing any conflicting reports..."

"Oh, c'mon J'onn. You could have told me that over the Comm units or even a phone call. Why the Face to Face? Why suffer the assault on your 'Martian Sensibilities" to bring me a piece of gossip?"

"What? Can't a guy come and visit his friend anymore?" J'onn replied, half-jokingly.

Arthur turned a knowing eye in J'onn's direction. "J'onn. Who do you think you're talking to?"

J'onn laughed. "Ok, ok. You caught me. The truth is..." J'onn paused, taking a deep breath. He wasn't exactly sure how to approach an obviously sore subject. "The truth is... we need to talk..."

Arthur pulled his eyes away from his friend and focused instead on the floor in front of himself. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hand and harpoon drooping toward the floor. Then, he muttered the one word answer he knew J'onn was talking about. The conversation he had been expecting for some time had finally arrived.

"Diana."

J'onn watched Arthur's mood shift and started questioning his own decision to bring the topic up. However, regardless of the pain of the situation, it had started to affect the team and J'onn and Clark had decided to step in. Considering who he was now talking to, he decided that he had gotten the better end of the deal. 

"Yeah. Diana. What's going on, Arthur?"

"Nothing. At least... not any more." Arthur sighed, his shoulders slumping even more. J'onn reached out and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

"Arthur, it's ok. It's me. Tell me about it."

"It started a few months back..." Arthur began, not taking his eyes off the floor. "I mean, you remember: we had always flirted around... little comments here and there. A little harmless rib now and again. Things like that. Well, let's just say that the interest behind those comments was slowly building in both of us..."

Arthur stood slowly and let J'onn's hand fall away. He paced over toward the side of the room, looking out through the domed top of the room and into the dark, blue sea beyond. "Then, after a particularly lightweight League mission, I invited her back here... I dunno, on a whim. We were both still a little riled up from the fight and we were both feeling a little let down that it had ended so quickly. I suggested we come back here and try a little sparring. We practiced fighting for an hour or so, teaching each other new moves and new techniques. Once we both started to wear down, I instructed some of the palace caretakers to prepare a bath for her while I went to the master suite to clean up and change. We had a lovely dinner, then retired to the study..."

He turned back around his face a mixture of sorrow, regret and a little bit of bitterness. J'onn knew that this was difficult for Arthur to talk about. Difficult? More like impossible! Arthur generally **didn't** talk about these things; he preferred to keep them to himself. But J'onn also knew that he was probably the only being on the planet that Arthur felt comfortable enough talking to. 

"We talked. For hours upon hours, we talked. About nothing. About everything. About..." Arthur paused, then cleared his throat. "After that day, we became closer and closer. We started meeting together outside of League functions. A nice dinner down here, a quiet lunch at her place, swimming off the shores of Themyscira... Somewhere along the way, I suppose you could say we became a 'couple.' Things were going well... the sex was unbelievable..." 

He paused again, suddenly very aware of what he was saying. In his mind, he immediately started to shut down, the walls of defense started building up. J'onn sensed the defense mechanisms coming up in his friend and decided to shift to a different subject.

"So what happened?"

Arthur looked to J'onn. "I don't know. Honestly, I really don't. We had decided that until we had a better understanding of the relationship ourselves, that we would... not keep it a secret but more..."

"Not tell anyone?"

"Something like that, I guess. I figured: How could we explain what's going on between us to other people when even _we_ didn't know! She seemed to be fine with that. We'd had long discussions about how what was happening in our private lives was really none of the League's - or anyone else's - concern. So we agreed that avoiding public displays of our affection for one another was off-limits. At least until we knew for sure. Then, out of the blue, she came to me one night and called it off! Just like that!"

"What did she say?"

"She said that she was tired of living the lie. She started harping on about being the Champion of Truth and that she felt like a hypocrite lying to the League and to the world about our relationship. I... I tried to reason with her. I told her that we could go public if that's what she wanted. I told her I didn't care about what people thought any more. I told her... I told her that I..."

J'onn stood up and went to his friend's side, placing an arm around his shoulders. Arthur felt the comforting gesture and instinctively shrugged J'onn's arm away, returning to the window with his back to J'onn. His voice changed again. This time it was much colder, much more callous. 

"She said it didn't matter, that she couldn't do it anymore. Then, she stormed out. That was, I dunno... a month and a half ago."

"Wait," J'onn interrupted, "You mean she ended it with you?"

"Yes."

"But if it was her decision, then why the erratic behavior? Why has she been so short tempered?"

"I don't know. I don't understand that one either. At first, I thought it was just me - that I was somehow... hyper-sensitive to her mood swings because of... what I was feeling. But then you and the others all mentioned it as well..."

Suddenly, a cough at the doorway made both men jerk their heads around. One of Arthur's top aides was standing at the door. 

"S-sire?" the aide asked meekly.

J'onn watched as Arthur... no, King Orin turned and stepped forward. "Yes?"

"I believe we may have an... issue, sir?"

"An issue?"

"Well, sir, one of the palace caretakers was doing a thorough cleaning of Bedroom 3 and came across something that I think you may want to see, sir."

Arthur and J'onn exchanged glances, then stepped toward the man in the doorway as he reached over and took a small chest from the page standing beside him. He presented the ornately carved box, the Atlantian inscription marking it as a delivery parcel, and quickly averted his eyes. Arthur reached up and opened the box.

Immediately, a bright yellow light splashed across J'onn and Arthur's faces, causing them both to squint. The light faded some and their eyes adjusted. Arthur took one look at the contents of the box and his eyes widened slightly, then dropped to the floor, his shoulders slumping. His right hand came up to his face, his fingers massaging the bridge of his nose. J'onn's eyes had gone wide and stayed that way, his gaze transfixed by the glowing object. Without removing his gaze from the box, J'onn leaned over slightly in Arthur's direction and started asking the many questions currently flooding his mind.

"Arthur? Is that...?"

"Yeah."

"But that means..."

"Yeah."

"So that's why..."

"Yeah."

***

"WHERE?!?"

3 A.M. phone calls to the Kent household were not that uncommon. Whether it was Perry or a possible story lead phoning for Lois or some global emergency for Clark, being awakened in the wee hours by the annoying ring had become a regular part of their lives. That still didn't mean that Lois had to like it. 

"Ok, so what is this about again?... uh-huh... yeah, ok. Whatever. I'll tell him... _I said_ I'll tell him! Fine. Bye!" She slammed the phone back onto the cradle, then rolled over and glared at her husband, who was quickly withering under 'The Stare.'

"Who was it, honey?" he asked timidly, already relatively sure of the answer. Lois's glare softened slightly, replaced by overwhelming exhaustion. 

"That... was Queen Bitch. She said there's some League thingy she needs to talk to you about. She's on the roof of the Daily Planet waiting for you." 

"The Planet? Why..." he was cut off by Lois's hand shooting up and covering his mouth. 

"I don't know, I don't care and I don't want to hear about it when you get back!" she muttered, before slamming her head back down onto the pillow, almost immediately falling back to sleep. 

Clark crawled out of bed, his ability to wake and be ready in an instant far more advanced then his now sleeping wife. Faster than a speeding bullet, he got dressed and quietly flew out the window. As he sped across town, he started preparing himself for whatever global or alien threat was approaching. The fact that it had been Diana that had called stuck in the back of his mind though. Wasn't Bruce on Duty tonight? Plus, Lois said that "she" was on the roof waiting, not "they." 

He landed on the roof of the Daily Planet, scanning the area for his compatriots. When he saw no one, he called out.

"Diana?"

She stepped out from behind the spinning globe on the rooftop and sauntered over toward him. "Hello, Kal." 

Something was wrong. Very wrong. The way she moved, the way she talked... it was all wrong. A quick microscopic x-ray scan confirmed that the bone structure, cell structure and even DNA structure were all correct for Diana. Either this was in fact her, or an unbelievably exact copy. Almost as if she sensed his concerns, she immediately straightened, resuming a more professional stance. When she spoke again, she spoke as Wonder Woman.

"We have a problem up at the tower," she stated flatly. "Batman has that... _harlot_ up there with him on duty." 

"Harlot?" 

"Catwoman! He's got her up in the tower right now! After all that we've been through with him for the last week and now he's got that..."

"Whoa! Diana! Slow down. I'm sure there's a reasonable explana..."

"NO! There is NO explanation for that! NO justification for that! She's a criminal! A thief and a liar. And right now, she's sitting 3 feet away from some of the most important and powerful information in the known universe!"

"Diana, Batman would never allow..."

"Don't do that, Kal! Don't defend him! Don't you see? Can't you see what's happening?! He's tearing us apart!"

The phrasing of her statement, as well as her tone, caught him off-guard for an instant. "Us?"

"Yeah, us! You, me, the rest of The League... we're all fighting and second-guessing each other! It's like the whole team is falling apart around us..."

"Diana, it's not that bad. We were dealt a difficult situation and we handled it. Just like we always do. Look, if it will make you feel better, I will talk to Batman about visitors to the Tower, ok? If that doesn't work, we can discuss it at this week's meeting. It'll all be ok, I promise."

She hung her head slightly, her demeanor changing instantly again. She looked back up at him, her eyes sparkling lightly. "Ok, Kal. Thank you. See, this is why you're the leader of this team..."

"Diana, I'm not the leader. We're a _team_. We decide things as a team. We act as a team..."

"Oh, don't sell yourself short, Kal. Everyone looks up to you. You're a born leader. You're our rock, our foundation. Without you, I'd... we'd all be lost."

Not liking where this conversation was heading and deciding that the main topic of the discussion was finished, he decided it was time to cut his losses before this got any... stranger. 

"Ok, thank you, Diana. Is that all? Was there any other reason you pulled me out of bed at 3 in the morning?"

The strange, almost seductive look returned to her eyes as she stepped up again, now getting dangerously close to him. "Would it be wrong of me to say that I've missed you?" she purred.

One of the many skills Superman had learned over his long tenure as a Superhero was the ability to keep his cool in even the strangest of circumstances. This was definitely one of the strangest. Still, he maintained his composure as he looked down at her face, his own face a mask of stoicism. 

"Diana?" 

"Yes, Kal" she breathed, her voice coming out as little more than a whisper.

"What happened between you and Arthur?"

She paused for a moment, then her lip curled in an almost wicked grin. "What's the matter, Kal. Jealous?"

His brow furrowed slightly. "Jealous?"

"The truth is..." she began, taking a step away from him, then starting a slow, deliberate walk around him, her finger tracing up his arm and across his broad shoulders in the back. "... Arthur and I had our fun. He was good company. He was a great friend and a lovely companion." She made it around to his other side, her finger never leaving his body as she came back around in front of him. She looked directly into his eyes as she continued. 

"He was a decent lover. Very creative. Very... attentive."

Clark pulled his eyes away from hers, turning his head to the side. "Jesus, Diana. I don't need to know that..."

Her finger continued its dance across his arm and down to his chest, where she began tracing the outline of the giant "S" emblem. "The only problem was..." she continued, ignoring his behavior, "... I have a hard time really enjoying sex with someone, when I'm constantly thinking of someone else."

"Diana, what the hell has gotten into you?" He turned back to look at her and immediately got caught by her lusty stare. Her eyes flicked down to below his waist for a split second, then she looked back up into his eyes, and said with a mischievous grin, "Nothing... yet."

He couldn't believe what was happening. Sure, there had always been a bit of... tension between them. She had always hinted and flirted with him. But he had never in his life seen her this aggressive, this forward, this brazen. He had to admit that Diana was attractive; any red-blooded male had to admit that. But he was married now. Lois was the love of his life. Lois was his soulmate. Diana would never... could never... be anything to him other than a good friend and teammate. Outwardly, he kept his composure and decided to try and regain control of the conversation. He took a deep breath, then stared at her sternly.

"Diana? What happened in Kurdistan?"

She recoiled like he had hit her. She was instantly two steps away, anger flaring on her face for just an instant. Then, just as suddenly, her face twisted in confusion and regret. She started stammering.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean, Diana. What happened?

She seemed to think for a minute, as if trying to remember the events in her head. "I t-told you what happened. We must have missed a ship somewhere. I though we had gotten them all, but I guess we didn't. I turned to come help you and next thing I remember, I'm waking up in the Med Lab at the Tower. I mean we had made short work of most of the boats, but... "

Superman watched and listened. Not to the story, but to her body. He pulse had quickened, her voice wavered slightly and small droplets of perspiration began forming at her hairline. Her eyes darted around, never really looking at him directly. From his many experiences with criminals over the decades, he knew exactly what was happening. 

Diana, Princess of Themyscira, Amazon Ambassador to the World, Goddess of **Truth**... was lying. 

At that precise moment, when the unimaginable happened, his subconscious mind clicked forward and screamed in his head. Consciously, aside from her erratic behavior, he hadn't really noticed anything different about her recently. Subconsciously, however, his mind had picked up that something was _physically_ different about her. Something was wrong, out-of-place... missing. He quickly catalogued her appearance, searching for whatever it was that had caught his eye as being wrong. His eyes locked on her waist for an instant, a motion that stopped her mid-ramble. Instantly, the sex-kitten returned as his eyes slowly scanned up her body. She inhaled, puffing her chest out. She knew, all too well, the effect that simple motion had on most men. His eyes continued travelling upward, until they locked onto hers. His voice was stern and stoic as he addressed her.

"Diana?"

"Yes?" she purred, cocking her hip slightly to the side.

"Where's your Lasso?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	6. Epilogue

"When?"

Superman handed the steaming mug to Diana. She took it in both hands and cradled it, the coffee's aroma filling her senses and relaxing her. She stared down into the swirling brown liquid, then brought it up to her lips, taking a sip. Normally, they tried to keep food and drinks out of the Watchtower Conference room, but Clark decided this could easily be one of those "Understandable Exceptions." After their confrontation on the roof of the Daily Planet, the Watchtower seemed like the safest and best place to come to try and return some normalcy to the situation. 

Plus, Clark secretly hoped that it would keep Diana in a much more "professional" mode. 

"About two months ago."

"You've been without the Lasso for two months? Wha..." 

"Don't ask it, Kal!" Diana interrupted. "Don't ask that ridiculous 'Where's the last place you had it?' question. If I knew that..."

"Actually," Clark returned the interruption-favor, "I was going to ask 'What does Hippolyta think?' "

Diana silently stared back down into her coffee, a slight blush sprinkling across her chest. She mumbled a response, too low for even Kryptonian ears to understand. 

"What?" 

"I said... 'She doesn't know'..." Diana replied, dejected. 

"You haven't told her? You haven't told anyone on Themyscira?!" Superman was dumbfounded.

Her eyes suddenly shot up to his, the uncharacteristic ire rising in her voice again. "No, Kal. I haven't! I didn't see the need in involving them! I mean, it's not like I haven't... misplaced things like this before. It's just never been this... long."

Clark walked over and sat in the chair next to her, trying to calm her down. He placed a gentle hand on her bare shoulder, attempting to keep his own face calm. She stared at him, a combination of loss, confusion and hurt filling her eyes. 

"I... I just don't understand it!" she spat, turning her head away from his. "I mean, there were times when I'd lost the Lasso before - it got dropped or ripped from my hands in battle, or it fell down behind my costume armoire - but normally, when I call to it, it returns to me! It's always returned..."

"But not this time?" he asked, now trying desperately not to sound like an overbearing parent. 

"No..." she admitted. "I've called and called, but nothing! It's like it's just gone! I don't unders..."

"Stolen?" Clark prompted, Diana's head spinning back around and staring at him. 

"I thought of that possibility, but now, I don't know... If it was stolen for some ulterior purpose, why hasn't the thief tried to use it yet? I figured that, had it been stolen, we would have seen something by now..."

"With all of the enemies the League has made over the years, you never know, Diana..."

"Oh Kal," she gushed, placing her hands on his shoulders, her eyes filling with tears. "I just don't know anymore. It's like the entire world has completely changed..."

"Diana," he replied reassuringly, "we'll get the League together on this. Between the eight of us we can scour the globe and find it..."

"That won't be necessary." J'onn's voice boomed as he strolled into the meeting room, the ornate Atlantian box in his hands. Both sets of eyes locked on him as he walked over to the table, setting it down. Before either of the two heroes could start asking what he meant, he lifted the cover of the chest, the warm golden light spilling out. 

Diana's eyes went wide, a look of relief washing over her face. She stared intently at the Golden Lasso coiled up inside the box. She stood slowly and leaned over the table to get a better look. "Wh... where...?"

"Atlantis" Clark replied, now also standing and examining the carvings on the side of the box. 

"Correct," J'onn confirmed. 

"Wha... wait!" Diana exclaimed, the anger once again creeping in. "Y-you mean Arthur had it this whole time?!"

J'onn held up his hands in a calming gesture. "Slow down, Princess," he soothed. "Arthur didn't know. No one did. An aide came by his chambers just five minutes ago with it. He said one of the caretakers had found it while cleaning one of the... guest bedrooms."

Superman turned a questioning eye to Diana, who seemed to be focussing her attention a little too much on the Lasso at that moment. She risked a quick glance out of the corner of her eye, seeing the incredulous look on Kal's face that she expected to see. "B-but if it was in that chest... I mean, I've never seen that..."

"No," J'onn explained. "The caretaker placed it in there. The magic emanating from the Lasso was so powerful, they got frightened and placed it in this magically-protected chest. But that was only about half an hour ago..."

"So if it _wasn't_ locked up in that chest, why didn't respond to her summons..." Clark wondered aloud.

"Actually, I think I can explain that as well," J'onn replied, suddenly looking a bit... nervous? No, more like anxious. His eyes shot back and forth between Clark and Diana as he cleared his throat. "*ahem* Well, it seems that when the caretaker found it... uh... it was... still tied to one of the bedposts..."

"Oh?" Diana asked, confusion on her face for a second before her eyes widened in sudden realization. "Oh!" she gasped, her chest, upper arms and face suddenly matching the red background of her breastplate. She meekly sat back down, taking up her coffee cup and staring down into it again. 

To his credit, most of Superman's sputtering disbelief was kept inside, only a few stuttered grunts escaping his lips as he stared at the now beet-red woman sitting before him. J'onn stepped around her and clasped Superman on the shoulder, pulling him away from the table. 

"Well, at least now we have some answers," J'onn prompted, finally pulling Clark's eyes from Diana and his mind from the inevitable myriad of questions. 

"Answers?"

"To her behavior," J'onn clarified. 

"Well, some of it. I- I still don't understand why she would be..."

"Look at it this way," J'onn attempted to explain, "All her adult life, she has been physically incapable of lying. The Lasso actually prevented her from telling even the smallest, little-white variety fib..."

"J'onn, some of us don't have a Lasso of Truth but we still manage to stay truthful."

J'onn stared at him for a second, raising an eyebrow. Suddenly, J'onn shifted into a perfect replica of Lois Lane, dressed in an exquisite evening gown. He/she turned sideways, revealing an over-abundant, rather exaggerated posterior. He coughed lightly, his voice shifting into Lois's.

"Honey, does this dress make my ass look fat?" Lois/J'onn questioned.

Clark sputtered and coughed as J'onn reverted back to his normal form. "Ok, point taken... but that still doesn't explain..."

"Clark, imagine that you've never been able to lie for the total of your adult life. Then, suddenly, you find that you are capable of not only lying to your family, your friends and even complete strangers, but to _yourself_ as well..."

"Denial," Superman concluded after a moment's consideration.

"It ain't just a river in Egypt," J'onn quoted. "Add on top of that an Amazonian-Island sized mountain of guilt..."

"And you've got one seriously confused and upset woman," Superman finished. 

"All things she's _never_ had to deal with before," J'onn confirmed. 

Out of the corner of his eye, J'onn caught movement in Diana's direction. He suddenly turned away from Clark, and moved over toward her. "NO! Diana, DON'T... "

She stood and reached into the box, grabbing the Lasso and pulling it out. She looked at J'onn approaching, her questioning stare turning into one that bordered on disdain. "J'onn, please. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with..." Her eyes suddenly widened and a look of supreme horror distorted her features. Her mouth opened wide but only the faintest of sounds came out.

"by... the... gods..."

She collapsed. J'onn rushed to her side and caught her before she fell over completely. He gently guided her into a sitting position on the floor, her face still locked in a frightened visage. Clark rushed over to help, but stopped as J'onn's hand shot up, motioning for him to halt. Clark stared in wide-eyed horror and Diana's eyes started jumping around wildly as if she were searching for something she knew she would never find. Tears started to form and roll down her cheeks. 

J'onn laid a gentle hand on her head, pulling her in against his shoulder. He spoke in a calm, reassuring voice. 

"Diana... let go, sweetheart... Let go of the Lasso..."

Diana sputtered a bit, still gripping the Lasso tightly. "Wha... ah... *gasp*... wh..."

"Diana," J'onn soothed again. "Let go..." He took a deep breath, then reached out and grabbed the Lasso. As soon as his fingers curled around it, his body shifted into its natural Martian form, with the pulled-up, pointed head and angular features. He tugged on the Lasso, Diana's grip never loosening. His other hand caressed her head as he slowly continued to sooth her. "Diana... it's okay. Let go..." 

Over the countless times that Clark had been in the field with Diana, he had never been scared or frightened for her. He always knew that should could handle herself in situations that would make most _men_ faint. But at that precise moment, as her saucer-like eyes locked onto his, so full of fear, anxiety and horror, his stomach knotted and twisted with the overwhelming thought that she was in the kind of trouble that no one can escape. Following J'onn's cue, he spoke, his voice croaking out around the huge lump in his throat. 

"Diana... _please_... let go of the Lasso..."

J'onn felt Diana's grip lighten ever so slightly, and he yanked as hard as he could, ripping the golden rope from her hand. He immediately tossed it up onto the table, the rope landing in a crumpled, tangled heap in the box. Immediately, J'onn reverted back to his normal human-like form that he assumed around his friends. With lightning speed, Superman rushed to the box and closed the lid. 

Diana's hand fell limply into her lap, her eyes still wide, though now staring seemingly out into nothingness. Her body convulsed lightly, a small squeak-ish sob escaping her lips. Tears rolled down her cheeks and her mouth moved, as if she was trying to talk. Finally, her voice creaked out lightly.

"W-wha... what have... what have I done...?" Suddenly, her body convulsed as she began sobbing uncontrollably. J'onn cradled her in his arms, rocking her gently back and forth as she sobbed into his shoulder. 

"Shhhh... It's Okay, Diana. It'll all be okay..."

"N-NO!" she wailed, her cries muffled in J'onn's shoulder. "H-how... did I..."

"Shhhh..." J'onn soothed again, his hand gently caressing her head. Clark looked on in stunned amazement, unable to grasp the true weight of what he was witnessing: Diana, Princess of Thymiscira, Goddess of Truth, probably the most courageous and fearless woman on the planet... sobbing like a terrified little girl. His heart ached for her as his mind tried to enclose around the meaning of this... breakdown. 

J'onn obviously noticed the confusion on Clark's face. He lifted his head slightly, then spoke directly into Clark's mind as he continued to sooth Diana. 

::I was afraid of this, Clark. As soon as she "rejoined" with the Lasso, the total and complete truth of all that she has done over the last 2 months came crashing down around her. All the lies, all the deceit, all of the outbursts suddenly and instantly flashed into her mind all at once. That's a lot to take.::

::Holy God.:: Clark muttered the mental response, now unable to comprehend what she must be feeling. 

Diana continued to sob and wail, her body heaving with every sob. J'onn tried the best that he could to sooth her, but nothing seemed to be working. He locked eyes with Clark and suddenly, not even mental words were exchanged. Without saying a word, they both simultaneously agreed on the answer. J'onn pleaded Clark with his eyes for a split second, then seemed to accept some unspoken decision. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, raising the hand that was gently stroking her hair. The hand phased into a incorporeal state. Gently, he slid the hand into the back of her head and lightly nudged the cerebellum, instantly forcing her into unconsciousness. Without a word, she collapsed into his lap. He removed his hand, phased it back whole, then stood, lifting her limp body without a word. He looked to Clark one last time, a world of shared emotions and thoughts coursing between them, then he carried her off toward the sick bay. 

Once they left, Clark bowed his head slightly and exhaled slowly. After a minute of two, he raised his head and looked around the room, his eyes suddenly scanning the area. His gaze stopped at the far doorway for a second, then a small, relaxed smile crossed his face. He wandered around the room, righting all of the chairs and removing Diana's coffee mug from the table. He strolled over to the far door, stopping just to the right of the doorway. He turned and leaned with his back against the wall, tilting his head up slightly. Seemingly to no one, he replied: "She'll be okay. J'onn will work with her; bring her back to some sense of normalcy. It will take some time, but she _will_ be okay."

"I know," was all Arthur said, before turning and heading back toward the teleport tubes, a single tear streaming down his cheek. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: Special thanks once again to everyone for their support. Come visit the Cat-Tails message board: http://pub101.ezboard.com/fgothampmfrm26

"Third Saturdays"   
The _infamous_ JLA Christmas party   
And the return of a long-lost friend...   
Stay tuned for:   
**_JLAin't: Reds, Greens and Holiday Blues! _**


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